Rediscovering yourself after your kids leave home

A Q&A with Hanna Bankier, founder of Birdy Launcher

Hanna Bankier married her experience in the television industry with a Master’s Degree in Industrial Organizational Psychology to develop Birdy Launcher, a coaching and support platform designed specifically for mothers navigating the major life transition as their children prepare to leave home and become independent adults. Rather than framing this period as "empty nest syndrome," Birdy Launcher actively and thoughtfully guides children and parents through the process of launching into new chapters. Hanna, who recently launched her oldest child into the world (he’s a junior in college) and is preparing to launch her youngest, poses a thought-provoking question to all fellow moms: "What if the best years of your life are yet to come?”

(I write at length about many of the ideas below in my new book, “Fired Up: How to Turn Your Spark into a Flame and Come Alive at Any Age” out in June. Pre-order now and enroll for free in Firestarter University starting in the Fall.)

Tell us about Birdy Launcher.

Birdy Launcher is not about the end of something; it’s about launching your kids and launching yourself. This phase starts before your last kid leaves, and it sets the tone for everything that follows. It deserves more than a sad metaphor—it deserves a plan.

Birdy Launcher is a framework, a support system, and a rallying cry for moms navigating the emotional rollercoaster of launching their kids from the nest—and rediscovering themselves in the process. I work with moms one-on-one and in groups to help them move from heartbreak to hope, and ultimately to a place of purpose and joy. Together we create a roadmap so this transition doesn’t feel so overwhelming and lonely, so you can start writing the next chapter of your life with intention.

The name Birdy Launcher is a deliberate reframe of the whole “empty nest” idea—which honestly just doesn’t sit right with me. First off, how is the nest empty if I, the mom, am still in it? I don’t want to add to the societal idea that women past reproductive age are no longer valued and seen. Too often we are discarded and diminished. This is the season where we step into our wisdom and have so much guidance and care to share. Second, when I hear “empty nest,” I picture some shriveled-up twig ball with a dusty feather or two inside—and that’s not the image I want for this next season of life. I want to picture a warm, welcoming home full of connection. Still alive. Still vibrant. Third, Birdy Launching starts long before your last little bird has flown the coup. This process takes place whether you are launching your first, your last or your only kid into the world.

What are the three phases of a Birdy Launcher?

Sending your child off to college (or wherever they are going as they leave your nest) is an exciting milestone, but it will also stir up a mix of emotions: pride, excitement, anxiety, worry, and loss. That’s why the Birdy Launcher framework is built around three emotional phases: Grief, Relief, and Joy. Most moms move through all three—sometimes in a straight-ish line, but more often in loops and spirals. These phases help normalize what’s happening, and remind you there’s a path through it all.

• Grief is where many begin. The quiet hits you hard. You open the door to their room and it’s still, but you remember the chaos. You might feel unmoored, even invisible. There’s deep sadness, and a loss of identity. If you’re not doing the things you’ve always done as a mom, who even are you? Society tends to skip over this part, but I say we need to name it and tend to it. There’s nothing wrong with you. You’re just grieving what mattered most.

• Relief might surprise you. One day, you realize you’re not racing the clock anymore. You can think. You have space to breathe. And then comes guilt. Because aren’t you supposed to miss them 24/7? Here’s the truth: relief is a valid part of the process. You’ve held so much for so long, so of course it feels lighter when the load shifts. This is the moment where we start exploring what freedom might look like for you. What are the things you won’t miss?

• Joy is the phase where everything opens up. But not because you ignored the hard stuff, but because you moved through it. Joy is about reconnection—to yourself, to what lights you up, to what comes next. It’s about becoming more than “just a mom” without losing any of the love that title holds.

When is it best to start preparing for a child leaving the house?

The short answer? Earlier than you think.

The Birdy Launcher process doesn’t begin when the car pulls out of the driveway or when you wave goodbye at the dorm room. It starts with a gut check when your kid begins spending more time in their room, when the dinner table gets quieter, when you realize you’re not needed in the same ways anymore.

If you wait until they’re gone, the tidal wave can knock you flat. This is what most people experience and it’s incredibly painful and completely unnecessary. But if you start tuning in earlier by paying attention to your own needs, shifting your parenting style, and having those “what now?” conversations with yourself, you’ll be so much better equipped for what’s ahead. You don’t need all the answers, but you do need a framework. You do need support. And you definitely deserve to feel prepared instead of blindsided.

You have choice and agency in how this major life transition goes, which most people don’t realize. My favorite is to start guiding moms of high school juniors, because it’s easier to co-create a new version of your relationship with your little one while they are under your roof. As a recovering Type A personality, I know firsthand how well it served me to practice letting go and handing over adulting to my oldest while he was still living at home.

If your kids have already spread their wings and left the nest, do not fret! It’s not too late to build a loving, trusting relationship with them. It’s just easier when you start sooner.

What do you hope moms will feel as they launch their children from the nest?

I want them to feel alive. Not depleted. Not irrelevant. Not stuck. This isn’t a phase we need to survive or rush through. It’s a massive life transition, and with the right tools, it can be transformational. When women do this work with intention, they emerge more whole, more rooted in who they are, and more connected to the people they love.

I want moms to feel seen in their grief and celebrated in their growth. I want them to feel like they’re not losing everything because they’re not, they’re evolving. And I want them to know that their best relationships—including the one with their grown child—can grow stronger, richer, and more mutual. Your job isn’t over, it’s just changing. You’re not fading; you’re taking flight.

What are the most important things parents can do as they prepare for this transition?

👉 Having a framework or a plan. Transitions are easier with a roadmap. Otherwise, the overwhelm takes over and you just end up stuck in your feelings with no sense of direction. You need something to remind you that there’s a process, and you’re not alone.

👉 Evolving your parenting. You can’t parent your 18-year-old the same way you did when they were 10. This is the moment to shift from mom to mom-mentor. To start letting go of control, and empowering them to take ownership. You’ve taught them so much—now it’s about trusting them to fly (and trusting yourself to step back without disappearing).

👉 Getting support. We’re not meant to white-knuckle our way through major life transitions solo. Whether it’s a coach, a group, a friend, or a whole flock, you need connection, reflection, and community. A glass of wine every night might take the edge off, but real support will change your life. Come for the insights, the wisdom, the practical steps, and all in community.

👉 Tending to changing relationships. Your role in the family is changing, and so is everyone else’s. Your relationship with your partner (mind your marriage: graying divorce is on the rise), with any kids still at home, with your grown child… they all shift. This is a time for redefinition, not autopilot. And maybe the biggest shift is in the relationship you have with yourself. Who am I now? What’s my new identity post hands-on mom?

👉 Feeling your feels. Too many moms think “this is just how it is” and try to muscle through. But when you skip the grief, you also miss out on the deeper healing and growth. Let yourself feel it. That’s how you move forward with intention. So you avoid getting stuck and resentful.

Connect with Hanna: Website | Facebook | Instagram | LinkedIn

Free Guide: - Grab your free “Leaving The Nest? Prepare for what comes next” guide here so you can start transitioning your parenting from ‘mom’ to ‘mom-mentor’ (or whatever title you and your kid will give you :)

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My new book Fired Up: How to Turn Your Spark Into a Flame and Come Alive at Any Age, is available for preorder! Out in June 2025, Fired Up will give you the formula for finding your unique spark and show you how to use it to start fires in your life. By preordering, you can enroll for FREE in Firestarter University, a year-long online program that includes live monthly workshops, workbooks and resources, accountability check-ins, and a community to help you succeed.