The Audacity Audit

An honest self-assessment for women who are done playing small

May 05, 2026

Over the last several decades, I’ve worked with countless women in activism, politics, and coaching, and I’ve encouraged thousands of women to get off the sidelines of their lives by coaxing out their desires and stories, teaching them to stand up for themselves and others, and encouraging them to take on roles they never imagined they were qualified for.

And one thing I’ve seen again and again is women who are waiting. Waiting for someone to tell them it’s okay to go after what they want. Waiting for permission to take up space, make noise, or change the direction of their own lives. Waiting for the time to be right. Because they’re afraid to fail, or to do it wrong, or to be seen trying. But here’s what I know for certain: you are the only person who can give yourself permission to be audacious.

During my activism, I realized that it wasn’t just gun safety that I was passionate about; more than anything else, it was helping women summon their audacity. This is a role I take seriously. I sincerely believe that when women allow themselves to be audacious, the world changes for the better.

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I often talk about living on fire, a metaphor I use for understanding two things more clearly: what’s limiting you and what’s calling you. Living on fire requires you to unearth what you want, have the courage to go after it, and to recognize if you’re getting in your own way. It demands that you stop sabotaging the things that would bring you the most satisfaction by telling yourself, “I can’t now, I’m too busy, it won’t work.” And it confronts you with the questions “What are you waiting for? If not now, when?” In short, living on fire requires you to be audacious.

Below you’ll find my audacity audit. This isn’t a quiz and there are no right answers. It’s a tool for honest self-examination — for seeing where you’ve been living on fire, and where you’ve been letting the flame go out. Take some time with this, block off an hour to think through each question deeply. This matters because it’s about your life and where you’re going next.

Let’s get started.

Part One: Where Are You Playing it Safe?

What have you been wanting to do that you keep putting off? A career shift, a hard conversation, a project you haven’t let yourself start yet. What story have you been telling yourself about why it isn’t the right time?
Where in your life are you saying YES when your gut is screaming NO? What do you think would happen — really — if you said no instead?
What desire have you quietly decided is too big, too late, or too risky to pursue? What would it mean to stop deciding that?

Part Two: Where is Your Fire Already Burning?

What lights you up? What activity makes you feel like time doesn’t exist and you enter a flow state? This could be something you loved to do when you were younger, but no longer do as an adult.
What do you uniquely bring to the world? If that’s hard to answer, think about what people come to you for — that’s where your power lives.
What injustice insults your soul? What issue feels personal enough that you can’t stay quiet about it? That feeling is information. Don’t ignore it.

Part Three: Lighting the Match

Where is the gap between the life you’re living and the life you want? What is one concrete thing you could do — not someday, but this week — to start closing it?
What is one step you’re willing to take right now toward the life you actually want to be living?
Who are your people? Who will show up for you, challenge you, and refuse to let you retreat when things get hard?
If you picture your life five years from now — living fully on fire — what does it look like? Where are you? What are you building? How does it feel to have stopped waiting?

The purpose of this assessment is not to fix you. You are not broken. The purpose is to help you see yourself clearly — your desires, your values, your untapped power — so you can stop living from the outside in and start living from the inside out.

I founded Moms Demand Action at age 41 — even though I had no relevant experience — because I was so angry about senseless, preventable gun violence that I couldn’t not do something. I didn’t ask for permission. I didn’t wait until I knew enough. I didn’t let perfection be the enemy of good enough. I just started.

It’s time to figure out what you want.
It’s time to build something that matters.
It’s time to get fired up.

Community Question:

In the comments, tell me what thoughts you had while reading through the audit. Did the gaps between how you’re living and what you want immediately come to mind? Are you already seeing next steps laid out in front of you to start living on fire?

Discussion about this post

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