No one let go of anyone's hand

Who are we if we sacrifice others’ safety and freedom to protect our power?

“Ninguém solta a mão de ninguém.” Translated into English, it means, “No one let go of anyone’s hand.” This Portuguese phrase went viral in 2018 after Thereza Nardelli, a 30-year-old Brazilian artist, shared it online in a tattoo she designed to protest the election of President Jair Bolsonaro.

Nardelli said her quote was meant to encourage the different factions in the coalition fighting Bolsonaro to compromise or put aside their profound disagreements, and to stand together and work together in order to beat back a threat to all of them. But also, to refuse to sacrifice the safety and freedoms of those most likely to be left behind. And the saying eventually became a clarion call among progressive activists worldwide fighting for their freedoms.

And now, in America in 2024, “No one let go of anyone’s hand” should become the mantra of every activist protesting Donald Trump’s new administration, including his unqualified and even criminal cabinet picks and his promises to implement draconian and harmful policies that will target his enemies, immigrants and the LGBTQ community.

Unfortunately, we aren’t anywhere close to unity … yet. Democratic pundits and politicians are currently engaging in a very public, very toxic blame game—many of them basing their instructions on how to move forward in their own long-held political beliefs. Progressives are blaming neoliberalism. Liberals are blaming neglect of the working class. Never-Trumpers are blaming “wokeness.” And many men in power are blaming ostracization of … other men.

These very public disagreements being hashed out publicly and mostly online seem to be based on scant data and abundant anecdotes. And while disagreement isn’t inherently bad, this kind of infighting is a common symptom among sick democracies. Instead of reaching for each other’s hands and creating an impenetrable barrier of resistance, we’re pointing fingers and pushing each other into smaller, less powerful factions.

One group that seems particularly isolated is the trans community. As the parent of a trans kid, it both angers and terrifies me that other Democrats are blaming our election loss on being aligned with trans people.

Rep. Seth Moulton of Massachusetts, a five-term congressman who previously voted to safeguard transgender rights, railed against Democratic support for transgender athletes in women’s sports in an interview with The New York Times on the party’s election night losses. “Democrats spend way too much time trying not to offend anyone rather than being brutally honest about the challenges many Americans face,” he said. “I have two little girls, I don’t want them getting run over on a playing field by a male or formerly male athlete, but as a Democrat I’m supposed to be afraid to say that.”

Democratic Congressman Rep. Tom Suozzi of New York told The New York Times that Democrats “have to stop pandering to the far left” to win elections. “I don’t want to discriminate against anybody, but I don’t think biological boys should be playing in girls’ sports,” he said.

And Congressman Vicente Gonzalez in Texas said, “We need to improve our messaging. I got clobbered on all the transgender messaging in my district, and it was very painful” (he won reelection).

Why the blowback? Because Donald Trump’s team spent over $200 million on a 30-second ad featuring “The Breakfast Club” host Charlamagne tha God’s on-air response to remarks by Vice President Harris that incarcerated trans people should have access to gender-affirming care, which shifted the race 2.7 percentage points in Trump’s favor, according to an analysis by Future Forward, a super PAC supporting Harris.

Yet when voters were asked their most important issues in this year’s election, just 4 percent said opposition to transgender athletes and surgeries drove their vote, according to polling released by the Human Rights Campaign, the nation’s largest LGBTQ advocacy group.

This ad resonated because flooding the zone with hate works, not people wanting to alienate or roll back trans rights. We’ve seen this happen every election cycle: Republicans create a boogeyman to rally voters around, from marriage equality to crime to immigration, and then invest obscene amounts of money to create a crisis that doesn’t actually exist.

If Democrats are willing to withdraw their support from the most vulnerable groups in society—people who need and deserve our respect and protection—in order to win, then what is the value of winning? Who are we if we sacrifice others’ safety and freedom to protect our power? If we refuse to hold the hands of everyone in our coalition, are we any different than Republicans?

When we let go of the hands of trans people, we allow and enable the cruelty and bullying of people like South Carolina Congresswoman Nancy Mace, who introduced a resolution specifically to bar Congresswoman-elect Sarah McBride and other transgender women who work in the Capitol from accessing women’s restrooms or other gender-based facilities.

Thankfully, some Democrats are standing up for McBride and others in the trans community. Sen. Ron Wyden of Oregon compared some Democrats’ belief that support for trans-inclusive policies cost them the election to the party’s blame on same-sex marriage for Democratic losses in 2004. “After the 2004 election, a lot of pundits said it was time for Democrats to stop standing up for gay people,” he said. “They were wrong, and history showed we could stand up for what’s right and still win elections.”

Now it’s time for the rest of us to stand up and to grab the hands of anyone being targeted or scapegoated by the right. Because banning trans women from women’s bathrooms is just the beginning of a whole host of hateful campaigns that will be rolled out by an administration hellbent on dividing us and making us turn on one another. That’s how they stay in power.

Charlotte Clymer

, a prominent trans activist, wrote this week on Twitter: “I know a lot of well-meaning and wonderful non-trans folks are trying to be helpful when they suggest that trans people should do sit-in protests in congressional bathrooms that don't align with our gender identity, but respectfully, this does nothing more than serve as an ineffectual West Wing Moment that puts us in harms way, risking our arrest and possibly assault.

Here's another way to look at this: I personally haven't seen one non-trans person suggest that non-trans people organize a protest in congressional bathrooms that don't align with their gender identity. If even the suggestion of carrying out that idea makes you uncomfortable, maybe that's a decent hint to give this all some more thought.”

We can’t afford to be silent when someone is attacked, regardless of who they are in the coalition. We should all do the most courageous thing we can, and we should do it as publicly as we can again and again and again in the coming years. Don’t let go of anyone’s hand.

---

My upcoming book, Fired Up: How to Turn Your Spark Into a Flame and Come Alive at Any Age, is now available for preorder! This book is my guide to figuring out what lights you up and will show you how to live on fire every day. Click here to preorder and get locked into some incredible bonuses.