Another parent of an only here, and she is absolutely delightful: confident, erudite, social (far more than her introverted mother!). Thanks for sharing this data that supports what we parents of onlies have long suspected. :)
This is also me, Karen! My extroverted solo child wears my introvert self out! Her teachers describe her as “a light” in the classroom. Makes me wonder what I am so worried about re: her as a solo child.
Parent of an only/solo child sending appreciation for this post! There are pros and cons of all family sizes so let’s finally banish this fixation on only kids. They - and we - will be fine.
Growing up in the 1970s I heard a lot of comments bemoaning the fact that I was an only (I'm sure my parents heard it even more). I had close neighborhood friends that were like siblings I could borrow but return when the noise and chaos got too much for my sensitive ears. The only time it's been difficult was near the end of life for each of my parents when I would have loved a kind and caring sibling to go through that with me. Then I consider how many people I know with siblings who ended up the only one taking care of their parents because their siblings couldn't be bothered. There is no guarantee how life will be with or without siblings.
Exactly! Both my parents came from families where they were one of three children. Even so, my mother cared exclusively for my grandmother as the other two siblings lived out of state and my father, for 10+ years now, has been in arguments with his two siblings (who he does not get along with or see socially) over their mother’s care. It’s been hard to watch.
Parent of an only child here too - it wasn’t our original plan but I’ve come to love all the benefits of one child. He’ll turn 6 next week and especially in the last year life has gotten easier and even more fun. As an introvert married to an introvert my husband and I both realized that we were better off giving our energy to one kid and having enough for ourselves (individually and as a couple) so we could be the best parents we could be. The only child myth is strong though and I always appreciate data that backs up what I already know.
When my partner and I were thinking about a second child, I considered the argument that it's good for the first child to have a sibling. Something seemed wrong about having a child to improve the life of an existing child. Shouldn't that second child be wanted for its own sake? I guess the extreme form of this would be having a child for them to be an organ donor for a child the parents already had? But when I tried to think about reasons for having a second child that were based on the interests of that child - and not the interests of a sibling or the parents - I was kind of stumped.
Especially these days when the cost of having a child has a huge impact on the parents’ lives and the lives of other children they have. We decided to have one child and because of that we are able to send her to a lovely private school that she adores. We would not be able to do this for multiple children. We would have had to move to a different house in a different neighborhood. It seems such a narrow view that the best life you can give your child is one with a sibling when (for so many people) that means having less of everything else (including mom and dad’s time/attention/resources.)
I have an only. Not that it was planned that way, but my first pregnancy ended in a traumatic miscarriage, and I was constantly stressed when I was pregnant with my daughter. I have no regrets. I feel like we can devote more time, money and resources with our one child, and no one missed out on anything.
I'm an only child and I never missed having siblings going up. I always was aware that I would be the one responsible for taking care of my parents as they age, and it wasn't exactly a burden, but a responsibility I always felt conscious of (not due to anything my parents did or said). They're all still walking upright and finishing crossword puzzles, and my mom in particular has been heavily involved in Moms Demand since the beginning, so none of that responsibility has really come into play yet.
Only child here—just a few years older than you, and I loved every minute of it and agree with everything you said! We did not have kids, by choice, and my husband has siblings that he never got along with growing up and is mostly still estranged from one of them. We both have lifelong friendships we continue to maintain too. It really floors me how some people are so obsessed with a number and decide how many humans to bring or not bring into the world based on that!
I am an only child born in 1970. I did not know any other only children then and always wished for siblings. My mother wanted more children, but my dad did not. He said they got it right the first time, but I always thought he was a little selfish for denying my amazing mother more kids. As an only, I have always been good at entertaining myself and I value my alone time. However, it would have been so nice to have a brother or sister when my parents divorced and later when they were at the end of their lives. I do bristle when people talk negatively about only children. We're fine.
Thank you!! It is past time to start changing the views of having one child and I appreciate you sharing your experience as well as science about this topic!
One of my best friends is an only child--and she is my son's godmother. My son is an only child. Honestly, the only thing I worry about for him is that he might feel burdened by two aging parents some day. Ialso get annoyed when people act like I don't know about "parenting" because I have only one child. I once wrote an article about being a mom with ADHD--back in like 2016--and people jumped all over the fact I only have one.
We love being an only family. Our daughter is thriving in her personal, social, and academic lives. She's thoughtful and considerate (to the levels all teenagers are able to) and most of her friends in NYC are onlies too, so that stigma is not so present in her circle of friends and our families. And she has made her friends' siblings her friends as well. She's very happy and grateful that she's an only. Her siblings are our dogs and our cat.
I'm thankful for my childhood while growing up in the early 80's. In fact I'm glad I never had a sibling, uncle, aunt or cousins. Because I got to exist in my own thinking and while having only Mother and Father and Grandfather and Grandmother with one other Grandfather on my Father's side, that was enough for me. It' s no wonder I seek such simple things in life and when things change too much It's devastating.
Another parent of an only here, and she is absolutely delightful: confident, erudite, social (far more than her introverted mother!). Thanks for sharing this data that supports what we parents of onlies have long suspected. :)
This is also me, Karen! My extroverted solo child wears my introvert self out! Her teachers describe her as “a light” in the classroom. Makes me wonder what I am so worried about re: her as a solo child.
Thank you for reading, Karen!
Parent of an only/solo child sending appreciation for this post! There are pros and cons of all family sizes so let’s finally banish this fixation on only kids. They - and we - will be fine.
Yes! 👏
Growing up in the 1970s I heard a lot of comments bemoaning the fact that I was an only (I'm sure my parents heard it even more). I had close neighborhood friends that were like siblings I could borrow but return when the noise and chaos got too much for my sensitive ears. The only time it's been difficult was near the end of life for each of my parents when I would have loved a kind and caring sibling to go through that with me. Then I consider how many people I know with siblings who ended up the only one taking care of their parents because their siblings couldn't be bothered. There is no guarantee how life will be with or without siblings.
Exactly! Both my parents came from families where they were one of three children. Even so, my mother cared exclusively for my grandmother as the other two siblings lived out of state and my father, for 10+ years now, has been in arguments with his two siblings (who he does not get along with or see socially) over their mother’s care. It’s been hard to watch.
You're exactly right, Elizabeth!
Parent of an only child here too - it wasn’t our original plan but I’ve come to love all the benefits of one child. He’ll turn 6 next week and especially in the last year life has gotten easier and even more fun. As an introvert married to an introvert my husband and I both realized that we were better off giving our energy to one kid and having enough for ourselves (individually and as a couple) so we could be the best parents we could be. The only child myth is strong though and I always appreciate data that backs up what I already know.
Love hearing the benefits from the parent's side, too!
When my partner and I were thinking about a second child, I considered the argument that it's good for the first child to have a sibling. Something seemed wrong about having a child to improve the life of an existing child. Shouldn't that second child be wanted for its own sake? I guess the extreme form of this would be having a child for them to be an organ donor for a child the parents already had? But when I tried to think about reasons for having a second child that were based on the interests of that child - and not the interests of a sibling or the parents - I was kind of stumped.
Yes, love this point!
Especially these days when the cost of having a child has a huge impact on the parents’ lives and the lives of other children they have. We decided to have one child and because of that we are able to send her to a lovely private school that she adores. We would not be able to do this for multiple children. We would have had to move to a different house in a different neighborhood. It seems such a narrow view that the best life you can give your child is one with a sibling when (for so many people) that means having less of everything else (including mom and dad’s time/attention/resources.)
Ted, I have always thought it was an odd reason as well.
I have an only. Not that it was planned that way, but my first pregnancy ended in a traumatic miscarriage, and I was constantly stressed when I was pregnant with my daughter. I have no regrets. I feel like we can devote more time, money and resources with our one child, and no one missed out on anything.
I'm so sorry about your first pregnancy.
I'm an only child and I never missed having siblings going up. I always was aware that I would be the one responsible for taking care of my parents as they age, and it wasn't exactly a burden, but a responsibility I always felt conscious of (not due to anything my parents did or said). They're all still walking upright and finishing crossword puzzles, and my mom in particular has been heavily involved in Moms Demand since the beginning, so none of that responsibility has really come into play yet.
Go Mom!
I am a parent of an only and we planned it. I love our little family! Wouldn’t want it any other way!
👏👏👏
As an only child who joyously celebrates Only Child Day every year, I agree with all of this! I also have an only child, by plan.
Love that you celebrate!
Only child here—just a few years older than you, and I loved every minute of it and agree with everything you said! We did not have kids, by choice, and my husband has siblings that he never got along with growing up and is mostly still estranged from one of them. We both have lifelong friendships we continue to maintain too. It really floors me how some people are so obsessed with a number and decide how many humans to bring or not bring into the world based on that!
Yes!!
As an only child who was perfectly okay with not having siblings - THANK YOU FOR THIS.
I hateeeeeee the hate we get! No, we are not weird, no we are not lonely.
Thank you, Rachael! Definitely not weird or lonely.
I am an only child born in 1970. I did not know any other only children then and always wished for siblings. My mother wanted more children, but my dad did not. He said they got it right the first time, but I always thought he was a little selfish for denying my amazing mother more kids. As an only, I have always been good at entertaining myself and I value my alone time. However, it would have been so nice to have a brother or sister when my parents divorced and later when they were at the end of their lives. I do bristle when people talk negatively about only children. We're fine.
I appreciate this point of view, too.
Thank you!! It is past time to start changing the views of having one child and I appreciate you sharing your experience as well as science about this topic!
❤️❤️
One of my best friends is an only child--and she is my son's godmother. My son is an only child. Honestly, the only thing I worry about for him is that he might feel burdened by two aging parents some day. Ialso get annoyed when people act like I don't know about "parenting" because I have only one child. I once wrote an article about being a mom with ADHD--back in like 2016--and people jumped all over the fact I only have one.
Yikes!!
We love being an only family. Our daughter is thriving in her personal, social, and academic lives. She's thoughtful and considerate (to the levels all teenagers are able to) and most of her friends in NYC are onlies too, so that stigma is not so present in her circle of friends and our families. And she has made her friends' siblings her friends as well. She's very happy and grateful that she's an only. Her siblings are our dogs and our cat.
I'm thankful for my childhood while growing up in the early 80's. In fact I'm glad I never had a sibling, uncle, aunt or cousins. Because I got to exist in my own thinking and while having only Mother and Father and Grandfather and Grandmother with one other Grandfather on my Father's side, that was enough for me. It' s no wonder I seek such simple things in life and when things change too much It's devastating.