Maybe you can have the freedoms, but you’d better be privileged enough to pay for it. No one can exist in this world without a system of mutual support—at least not well.
I gained a new perspective of so many boomer women recalculating their life attending the women’s marches. Walking along side them and hearing their perspectives. Life changing!
Loved this! I can't wait to read these books. As someone who researches and writes about women's stories and the various transitions we go though (as well as being middle-aged and trying to figure out my next moves!) I appreciate these conversations :)
I just turned 49. I divorced my abusive husband 7 years ago; finished raising our daughter, who is now 24; left a four-year relationship with a good man earlier this year because I just didn't want to be in it anymore. I wanted freedom and the choice to build a life centered on ME for once and not a man, and not children. I've already done that. I resonated with this post SO MUCH. I am absolutely ecstatic for this next chapter in my life, one that is on MY terms, and not society's or my family's or anyone else's!
I'm torn. I like that there is acknowledgment of a full woman's life, but wary of how the naming of a second life will create an entirely new pressure to do. all. the. things. 😬 I like keeping my second life under wraps and outta the spotlight, tyvm.
"All Fours" is on my reading list. I'm glad older women are having a voice. I'm going to be 57 soon and I still have so many things I want to learn and do.
To further drill down on the point of my earlier comment to this essay, I highly recommend everyone reading this post and following Shannon Watts, get information from https://www.senecaproject.us These women are speaking to the very threat to you, your daughters, wives and all of us.
Everything I read in Allison’s remarks, in this piece by Shannon and the content of these books that speak to this liberating truth for so many women are the kind of life choices that Christian Nationalism (which is not Christianity) is the killer of. See this: https://www.badfaithdocumentary.com
It has already presented itself in a recent decision of the Supreme Court in Alabama, in the Supreme Court of the U.S. (See Alito, perhaps more) and in Congress, see the Speaker of the House, MTG et. al. It is part of the fabric of the Heritage Foundation’s Project 2025 and has been moving and growing steadily in the country for years. If this ideology (which is a driving force behind a Trump reelection) takes hold in this country with him in the White House the damage could be unimaginable!
Reading 'All Fours' as a 43 year old peri-menopausal married mother of a 7 year old felt almost too on the nose at times. But I will tell you.... the scene when Davey first comes into the motel room, touches her foot with his "socked foot" and tells her... that's all we can do... HONEY.... I didn't know what had come over me. Ask my husband. 🫣 😂
I’m going to be 52, and yeah, feel like my body is trying to kill me, but I keep hearing I’m almost there…so I’m hanging in there…
But I divorced at age 29 after four years and was single for 22 years until I was just like, “screw it…I have been alone for so long, I’m not interested anymore and I’m happy.” When lo and behold, I met my husband of a bit over a year at the park with our dogs. Now granted, he is a SAINT, because I had to get very used to someone in my space again, which is it’s own thing, but he has given me this space and we have great communication, and it could not have been anyone else for an independent, self-sufficient woman who’s done the work and won’t put up with the traditional husband-wife dynamic.
But being single for most of my life allowed me to find ME, know I could do it, live in Colombia, travel all over South America, go where I pleased, and be a part of hiking, triathlon, and dance groups that I may not have been a part of if I were partnered and had kids.
This is a wonderful piece. Looking forward to reading both books mentioned. As a woman in mid-life I can tell you there is an awakening that happens. I had my children starting at 35 so I'm still in the thick of parenting. Yet, I'm examining closely how I spend my energy and time recognizing that I probably have more years behind me then in front of me. I'm slowing down more and taking notice, not rushing to get this done or that done, I'm carving out time for my enjoyment, and even take an annual solo trip. Each moment is precious and I intend to savior every one of them.
I just read Sylvia's Second Act -- the MC is 62 and finds her husband cheating on her and decides she doesn't want to be married anymore. She goes on an adventure to find herself. Lots of typos throughout but I liked this book when I normally do not do anything of the sort. And, I liked it because it was everything you are talking about ...
I’m smack dab in the middle of this. Wanting something different but struggling to figure that out. I’ll be 56 in a month, have a supportive husband so the blocker is me!😔
We're rooting for you Lynn! I love that you shared about your husband. Many times we only hear the stories of the women who left their husbands for a new life in mid life. It's possible to shake things up a bit and make some changes and still have a wonderful husband and family supporting you.
Yes, it’s not always the people in your life that hold you up or the situation you find yourself in. Sometimes, it’s you. Sigh. I’m not a Swiftie but Taylor Swift’s song “Anti-Hero” has a line that is like my anthem right now “It’s me. Hi. I’m the problem, it’s me.”😔
"...avoiding that fate starts with acknowledging that our twenties aren’t the only acceptable age to grow and evolve." Yes! This is a vital mindset shift. Thanks for writing this and for contributing to the increasingly visible movement toward destigmatizing menopause. As we get older, we're in an even better position than we were in our twenties to make meaningful and thoughtful changes to our lives; we're cognitively more mature and emotionally more self-aware.
Maybe you can have the freedoms, but you’d better be privileged enough to pay for it. No one can exist in this world without a system of mutual support—at least not well.
I gained a new perspective of so many boomer women recalculating their life attending the women’s marches. Walking along side them and hearing their perspectives. Life changing!
Loved this! I can't wait to read these books. As someone who researches and writes about women's stories and the various transitions we go though (as well as being middle-aged and trying to figure out my next moves!) I appreciate these conversations :)
I just turned 49. I divorced my abusive husband 7 years ago; finished raising our daughter, who is now 24; left a four-year relationship with a good man earlier this year because I just didn't want to be in it anymore. I wanted freedom and the choice to build a life centered on ME for once and not a man, and not children. I've already done that. I resonated with this post SO MUCH. I am absolutely ecstatic for this next chapter in my life, one that is on MY terms, and not society's or my family's or anyone else's!
I'm torn. I like that there is acknowledgment of a full woman's life, but wary of how the naming of a second life will create an entirely new pressure to do. all. the. things. 😬 I like keeping my second life under wraps and outta the spotlight, tyvm.
"All Fours" is on my reading list. I'm glad older women are having a voice. I'm going to be 57 soon and I still have so many things I want to learn and do.
Girls Jus’ Wanna Have Fun🎶
Thank you to all the writers normalizing women choosing themselves.
To further drill down on the point of my earlier comment to this essay, I highly recommend everyone reading this post and following Shannon Watts, get information from https://www.senecaproject.us These women are speaking to the very threat to you, your daughters, wives and all of us.
Everything I read in Allison’s remarks, in this piece by Shannon and the content of these books that speak to this liberating truth for so many women are the kind of life choices that Christian Nationalism (which is not Christianity) is the killer of. See this: https://www.badfaithdocumentary.com
It has already presented itself in a recent decision of the Supreme Court in Alabama, in the Supreme Court of the U.S. (See Alito, perhaps more) and in Congress, see the Speaker of the House, MTG et. al. It is part of the fabric of the Heritage Foundation’s Project 2025 and has been moving and growing steadily in the country for years. If this ideology (which is a driving force behind a Trump reelection) takes hold in this country with him in the White House the damage could be unimaginable!
Reading 'All Fours' as a 43 year old peri-menopausal married mother of a 7 year old felt almost too on the nose at times. But I will tell you.... the scene when Davey first comes into the motel room, touches her foot with his "socked foot" and tells her... that's all we can do... HONEY.... I didn't know what had come over me. Ask my husband. 🫣 😂
I’m going to be 52, and yeah, feel like my body is trying to kill me, but I keep hearing I’m almost there…so I’m hanging in there…
But I divorced at age 29 after four years and was single for 22 years until I was just like, “screw it…I have been alone for so long, I’m not interested anymore and I’m happy.” When lo and behold, I met my husband of a bit over a year at the park with our dogs. Now granted, he is a SAINT, because I had to get very used to someone in my space again, which is it’s own thing, but he has given me this space and we have great communication, and it could not have been anyone else for an independent, self-sufficient woman who’s done the work and won’t put up with the traditional husband-wife dynamic.
But being single for most of my life allowed me to find ME, know I could do it, live in Colombia, travel all over South America, go where I pleased, and be a part of hiking, triathlon, and dance groups that I may not have been a part of if I were partnered and had kids.
This is a wonderful piece. Looking forward to reading both books mentioned. As a woman in mid-life I can tell you there is an awakening that happens. I had my children starting at 35 so I'm still in the thick of parenting. Yet, I'm examining closely how I spend my energy and time recognizing that I probably have more years behind me then in front of me. I'm slowing down more and taking notice, not rushing to get this done or that done, I'm carving out time for my enjoyment, and even take an annual solo trip. Each moment is precious and I intend to savior every one of them.
I just read Sylvia's Second Act -- the MC is 62 and finds her husband cheating on her and decides she doesn't want to be married anymore. She goes on an adventure to find herself. Lots of typos throughout but I liked this book when I normally do not do anything of the sort. And, I liked it because it was everything you are talking about ...
I’m smack dab in the middle of this. Wanting something different but struggling to figure that out. I’ll be 56 in a month, have a supportive husband so the blocker is me!😔
We're rooting for you Lynn! I love that you shared about your husband. Many times we only hear the stories of the women who left their husbands for a new life in mid life. It's possible to shake things up a bit and make some changes and still have a wonderful husband and family supporting you.
Yes, it’s not always the people in your life that hold you up or the situation you find yourself in. Sometimes, it’s you. Sigh. I’m not a Swiftie but Taylor Swift’s song “Anti-Hero” has a line that is like my anthem right now “It’s me. Hi. I’m the problem, it’s me.”😔
"...avoiding that fate starts with acknowledging that our twenties aren’t the only acceptable age to grow and evolve." Yes! This is a vital mindset shift. Thanks for writing this and for contributing to the increasingly visible movement toward destigmatizing menopause. As we get older, we're in an even better position than we were in our twenties to make meaningful and thoughtful changes to our lives; we're cognitively more mature and emotionally more self-aware.