I’ve been thinking about marriage lately and the ways it can break us or shape us, depending on the partner we choose. How long-term partnerships can trigger and deepen our wounds or allow us to examine our pasts and heal ourselves.
Given how she conducts her public life, I am not at all surprised to learn that in her private life Shannon is thoughtful, self-aware, and open to change and growth. Personally, I never thought I’d get married. In the nuclear family from which I hail, we are 0/4 in marriages with my parents and three much-older siblings all divorcing after marriages ranging from merely ill-advised to just plain awful. My long-term partner’s parents’ marriage did not end in divorce but was a disaster that arguably might have yielded a better outcome if it had. The night we met 19 years ago (on the wildly successful Kerry/Edwards Campaign… not 🤦🏻♀️), we talked for hours about everything, including marriage, and he stated, “It’s not marriage I’m avoiding, it’s divorce,” echoing sentiments I’d been voicing for years by then. Our partnership has had ups and downs over the years, but it was after therapy, coming out of the pandemic feeling even more solid than we went in, and doing our wills together that we knew we were in it for the long haul. So, on the 20th anniversary of the day we met we’re making it legal next year. My only regret is not doing therapy sooner - I come from a family whose approach to mental health is ‘Snap out of it!’ so I had to personally de-stigmatize therapy to be able to participate. Cultivating a happy and fulfilling life partnership is a life skill and like most skills, can benefit from coaching.
Marriage counseling is incredible! I wish more people would normalize this, thank you for sharing. Also, I highly recommend the book Mother Hunger by Kelly McDaniel, it helped me to address similar feelings that I had/have with my mom.
I’m in my 13th year of my second marriage. Kids are fledged and I’ve never been happier but whew, that divorce era was rough.
I wouldn’t wish it on anyone but I also know that life is too short to be stuck in an unhappy marriage. The kids will be fine if Mom and Dad are fine. Either way, it’s a crap ton more work than anyone prepares you for. 😟 Thank you for sharing. It takes a lot of courage to be vulnerable but other women need to know that despite appearances all relationships are works in progress and raising kids is a Herculean amount of work. We all expect too much of ourselves. Thank you for sharing. ❤️
I can relate to so much of what you wrote about marriage. I have been married to my 2nd husband for almost 7 years. I’ve never been happier, felt more loved and cherished than I do now. Being in a healthy relationship has made me a better person in all aspects of my life. I’m a better mother, friend and sibling because of the support and love in my marriage. It does take effort like you wrote, but it doesn’t feel hard like it did in my first marriage. I think the difference is that both my husband and I put in the effort to nurture and support each other because we recognize that our marriage is important to our well being.
There are so many valuable insights to loving and sustaining here. And I believe your marital journey will prove evermore. But I also believe, underpinning everything, that couples in general must not simply love each other, but be in-love with each other for such guidance to prevail. And finding or achieving that is elusive for so many.
What an absolutely beautiful and honest post. Few people share the reality of the work involved in a healthy marriage. Grateful for this.
Given how she conducts her public life, I am not at all surprised to learn that in her private life Shannon is thoughtful, self-aware, and open to change and growth. Personally, I never thought I’d get married. In the nuclear family from which I hail, we are 0/4 in marriages with my parents and three much-older siblings all divorcing after marriages ranging from merely ill-advised to just plain awful. My long-term partner’s parents’ marriage did not end in divorce but was a disaster that arguably might have yielded a better outcome if it had. The night we met 19 years ago (on the wildly successful Kerry/Edwards Campaign… not 🤦🏻♀️), we talked for hours about everything, including marriage, and he stated, “It’s not marriage I’m avoiding, it’s divorce,” echoing sentiments I’d been voicing for years by then. Our partnership has had ups and downs over the years, but it was after therapy, coming out of the pandemic feeling even more solid than we went in, and doing our wills together that we knew we were in it for the long haul. So, on the 20th anniversary of the day we met we’re making it legal next year. My only regret is not doing therapy sooner - I come from a family whose approach to mental health is ‘Snap out of it!’ so I had to personally de-stigmatize therapy to be able to participate. Cultivating a happy and fulfilling life partnership is a life skill and like most skills, can benefit from coaching.
Marriage counseling is incredible! I wish more people would normalize this, thank you for sharing. Also, I highly recommend the book Mother Hunger by Kelly McDaniel, it helped me to address similar feelings that I had/have with my mom.
I love this so much, I’ve printed it out to look at every day. Also making sure my hubby reads it too. Thank you for the tips. ❤️
❤️
I appreciate this post so much. At 40 I’m navigating my first year of marriage.
I’m in my 13th year of my second marriage. Kids are fledged and I’ve never been happier but whew, that divorce era was rough.
I wouldn’t wish it on anyone but I also know that life is too short to be stuck in an unhappy marriage. The kids will be fine if Mom and Dad are fine. Either way, it’s a crap ton more work than anyone prepares you for. 😟 Thank you for sharing. It takes a lot of courage to be vulnerable but other women need to know that despite appearances all relationships are works in progress and raising kids is a Herculean amount of work. We all expect too much of ourselves. Thank you for sharing. ❤️
I love this, Shannon.
This is beautiful Shannon thank you
Thank you for sharing. As I was reading your description of yourself, I saw me. And your John, is like my Ken.
Thank you so much for this, Shannon. ♥️
I can relate to so much of what you wrote about marriage. I have been married to my 2nd husband for almost 7 years. I’ve never been happier, felt more loved and cherished than I do now. Being in a healthy relationship has made me a better person in all aspects of my life. I’m a better mother, friend and sibling because of the support and love in my marriage. It does take effort like you wrote, but it doesn’t feel hard like it did in my first marriage. I think the difference is that both my husband and I put in the effort to nurture and support each other because we recognize that our marriage is important to our well being.
So many great morsels in here. And chuckles. Leaving with some great thoughts to start the day!
There are so many valuable insights to loving and sustaining here. And I believe your marital journey will prove evermore. But I also believe, underpinning everything, that couples in general must not simply love each other, but be in-love with each other for such guidance to prevail. And finding or achieving that is elusive for so many.