The secret to finding yourself is getting lost in service to others
Altruism, not capitalism, is the unlock to growth, fulfillment and finding your people
"The best way to find yourself is to lose yourself in the service of others," Mahatma Gandhi
Several years ago, when one of my kids was recovering from a severe, life-threatening eating disorder in their early twenties, a therapist gave them this counsel: “As you recover, look for ways to help other people with anything. Small acts of service will help take your mind off of illness and distract you from your own suffering. But even more important, helping others will give you the inspiration and motivation you’ll need to keep living.”
That wasn’t just anecdotal advice; it was a prescription based on data. Doing good, in ways big or small, not only feels good, but also does us good. Research shows that altruism—whether it’s generosity, volunteering, or activism—can boost our well-being and lower depression. Acts of kindness trigger the release of endorphins, creating a "helper's high" that promotes feelings of happiness and satisfaction. One study published in “Psychosomatic Medicine: Journal of Biobehavioral Medicine” found that people who gave help showed reduced stress and increased feelings of reward in their brain imaging. In addition, neural evidence from fMRI studies shows a link between generosity and happiness in the brain. In fact, donating money to charitable organizations activates the same regions of the brain that respond to monetary rewards and sex.
I’ve experienced the high of helping firsthand. For nearly two decades, I worked in corporate communications, using my messaging and branding expertise to sell everything from CT scanners to corn ethanol to Craisins. I was passionate about communications, but not what I was communicating about. I felt unmotivated, unfulfilled and just … meh. Even though I was successful in my career, I often felt at best as if I was on autopilot and at worst as if I was squandering my life. It wasn’t until I used my communications skills to start Moms Demand Action that I truly understood what it meant to come alive (and I was 41 years old!).
In the aftermath of a horrific mass school shooting, I realized that my ability to create a brand, create a narrative, and move people to act—all things I’d learned through thousands of hours of writing press releases, preparing executives for interviews, and promoting products—had prepared me to act. I had a wealth of knowledge and know-how to help me help others become advocates, and when I started using it to help others instead of corporations, it turned into magic. Suddenly, instead of selling widgets, I was standing shoulder-to-shoulder with gun violence survivors and volunteers who wanted to protect others’ safety. It gave me a feeling of purpose and fulfillment that I never would have known if I’d kept working at companies.
But not only did I find a sense of purpose, I found my people—likeminded women across the country who became my community. And what you realize when you become an advocate is that the people you meet because you care about the same issues start to care about you, too. You create a bond based on shared values. And then what you find is that those people will be there for you when you’re sick, or you need a ride to work, or you need a place to stay. In other words, the people you meet through your altruism become your community, and if there’s anything we need right now in America, it’s a sense of belonging.
Every day, each of us has an opportunity to help others—to get engaged when it would be easier to mind our own business, to step up when it would be easier to walk away, and to act when it would be easier to assume others will fill the void. So, as we watch yet another climate catastrophe unfold, this time in Los Angeles, we have the opportunity to help others, and also ourselves. The devastation in Southern California, which has already destroyed nearly 30,000 acres, 10,000 homes and buildings, and displaced over 150,000 residents, calls on all of us to get off the sidelines. You don’t have to live in Los Angeles to help the people there. Just like my communications skills helped me start Moms Demand Action, you, too, have a unique set of skills you can tap into to help.
My stepdaughters live in Los Angeles, and right after the fires started, I noticed one of their friends was raising money via Venmo for supplies and rallying her community to buy and deliver them to shelters and nonprofits. This is someone who’s in her early 30s and has never been an activist. And yet, she saw a void and decided to fill it. So far, she’s raised over $20,000 for supplies, and she’s connected to like-minded women in her community who are doing the same, so now they’re doing it together. And along the way, she’s inspired others to follow her lead.
That’s because altruism is contagious. It creates a virtuous circle, a series of positive events that reinforce themselves—the opposite of a vicious circle. Studies show that people are more likely to perform feats of generosity after observing another do the same. So remember that your actions have a ripple effect and will inspire countless others to make a difference, too. Your acts of service—no matter how small—will give you and others the inspiration and motivation you’ll need to come alive.
Here are some vetted ways to help out in Los Angeles:
CBS has partnered with the American Red Cross to support the communities in need. The organization said it is staffing evacuation centers and providing supplies.
World Central Kitchen, founded by chef José Andrés, said it has mobilized across Southern California, providing sandwiches and water throughout the region. The charity said its volunteer chefs are on standby to give out meals.
Los Angeles Fire Department Foundation
The Los Angeles Fire Department Foundation has called for donations to its wildfire emergency fund. The proceeds will go toward equipping firefighters with tools and supplies to contain the infernos.
Los Angeles Regional Food Bank
The Los Angeles Regional Food Bank is accepting food donations and volunteers.
The California Fire Foundation said it is working with local fire departments and community organizations to support impacted residents financially. The group's wildfire and disaster relief fund directly supports victims of blazes and other disasters throughout the state, according to its website.
League of California Community Foundations
The League of California Community Foundations, a coalition of the state's nonprofits, is coordinating relief efforts for people affected by the Palisades and Eaton fires. The California Community Foundation said funds raised after previous disasters have helped rebuild homes, restore lost belongings and provide support services such as mental health management.
The Anderson Munger Family YMCA in Los Angeles is seeking donations of food, snacks, water and essential and emergency supplies. The Y said on Instagram it is accepting deliveries at its Koreatown location.
The Los Angeles-based International Medical Corps has been coordinating with local health groups to deliver relief supplies, including hygiene and first-aid kits, to communities affected by the fires. The group said it also is ready to provide additional support and services to health facilities if needed.
The aid group Direct Relief is bringing in emergency health care supplies for community clinics, evacuation centers and local residents affected by the fires. It's also providing N95 masks, hygiene kits, emergency medical packs and other essentials to partner organizations on the ground in L.A.
Best Friends Animal Society, which runs a pet adoption center in West Los Angeles, says all donations will be used for emergency assistance to animals impacted by the wildfires.
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Right on time -- just left the distribution hub some mom friends and I organized for folks who lost everything in the Eaton/Altadena fire. When my shift ended I didn't want to leave... none of us quite know what to do with ourselves, but finding ways to help is always the answer.
Thank you for the timely guidance.