I'd call my stress level medium at the moment. Now that both of my kids are in school things feel easier on me from a "touched out" perspective which was a huge struggle for me when they were smaller. But of course, school aged children brings with it a whole other set of fears and stress - namely gun violence and bullying. My oldest son is also at the age where he is the only one of his friends who doesn't have a phone and that's been tough to navigate. And explaining the state of the world in age-appropriate terms, especially right now because we live in Pennsylvania and they're even getting blasted with campaign ads on YouTube is really hard. Aside from those things, we're in the privileged position that I work from home, for myself, so my schedule is easily flexible. We live in a pretty safe area in one of the best school districts in the state so we are lucky in that regard. I do know that as my kids continue to age (they're 10 and 6 now), my stressors will only increase.
There are many reasons for increased stress as a parent, but I’d say the biggest for me are: 1) the proliferation of dangerous content being spoon fed to my teenaged son, and how it has drowned me out, making it ever more challenging to reach him; 2) teen mental health more broadly, as I watch my daughter struggle with heavier anxiety, and 3) the instability of what used to be safe spaces for kids - schools, movie theaters, concerts, parties- because of the gun culture run amok.
Beyond those, the fundamentally broken systems that touch every area of family life and ultimately are upheld to instill fear and harm and to maintain division : racism, the climate crisis, attacks on women’s rights, the weaponization of education. I could go on. These are heavy, heavy burdens for parents everywhere to carry.
The patriarchal and white supremacist approach to running this country is destroying it by distracting us parents with the lack of financial support for teachers, endless and nurtured school shootings, demands to remove phones from schools to truly traumatize our kids, laws that are meant to kill women and have trans kids commit suicide. And I haven't even started on the racism embedded in every single aspect of our country. I am enraged by the kafkaesque country we live in and enraged by so many peoples apathy. I get it. It's too much to take in. That's their goal - to overwhelm us and destroy kindness. connection, and compassion. Fuck no. I will be here fighting and loving and showing compassion for myself and for you.
My stress level is sky high. My teenage daughter has ADHD, and she is doing well academically, but focusing is a MAJOR hurdle. She cannot get a good night's sleep, and our educational system piles on more and more activities and obligations on the shoulders of these teens. For example, to join the Honor Society, she has to do volunteer hours. WTF? I said NO. There are not enough hours in the day to be in clubs, excel academically, and push volunteering. The school pushes AP classes and puts students in a pressure cooker. I worry so much that she will have a breakdown. It's the educational system that denied her help and refused to test her for ADHD, even though they had the resources. I had to take her to independent testing to get the diagnosis and then finally force the school to take responsibility and get work done.
High level of stress over here! I have a neurodivergent, trans teenager. In addition to all of the mental and physical healthcare needs of my teenager, the current political environment (and rights hanging in the balance with this election- even for a family living in Northern CA) adds a ton of mental load and stress on my teenager and myself. Add in gun violence, racism, conflicts around the world, etc...and the compounded stress is too much to bear some days, especially for my sensitive, quirky kiddo. And for me as a parent, I need an outlet for my own needs. My own stress is also impacting my kiddo.
Not a parent. Posting as an outsider observing parent culture through my friends' experiences: everything is an arms race with no end in sight: education, extracurricular, sports, music, art, jobs, resume. You have to do/have/provide the maximum at all times, otherwise you've failed. There's no physical human way that parents can ensure the best of the best of everything for their kid at all times, plus attend every game/performance/whatever activity their kid is a part of, plus work, plus chores plus cooking healthy meals and laundry and and and...it's impossible. And it seems designed that way. Underlying it all: this creeping realization that if you don't sacrifice absolutely everything to get your kid a vanishingly small chance to climb up the economic ladder/get a leg up, then you have doomed them to a life of failure and poverty. There is a sense of limited opportunities and economic precariousness that seeps through any and all kid activities. It's sad and hard to see. Like, do we really have to worry about college scholarships at the 7-year-olds soccer league? It seems too much to me as an outsider. I want to support my friends. And be friends with their kids. But I can't be the last priority at all times. And there's very little "down time" or family time or chill time in today's schedules. It's hard to see my friends struggle. It's hard for me to find time to fit into their kids non-stop schedule. It's hard to maintain a friendship against modern economic insecurity driving parents to optimize 24-7. Do I expect friends to lessen our contact the first 3-5 years? Yeah, I get it's all-consuming. But if the answer is "no" for the first 18 years because of school, sports, activities, whatever, it gets harder and harder. And parents feel isolated. And our friendship has dropped off...the only answer is fuck the patriarchy.
I'm on a mission to GROW GOOD MENTAL HEALTH. We can define and work to improve our physical and dental health. But we still don't have a decent definition of what MENTAL HEALTH IS, let alone know how to improve and grow it!
I'm also on a mission to help parents better understand the instruction manual their child is born with. Once parents understand that ALL BEHAVIOR IS PURPOSEFUL, and that a child's behavior is their language, not a problem to be controlled, parents will change how they are doing their parenting job and experience less stress.
Please read my Substack, "Growing Good Family & Mental Health" to learn how.
I'd call my stress level medium at the moment. Now that both of my kids are in school things feel easier on me from a "touched out" perspective which was a huge struggle for me when they were smaller. But of course, school aged children brings with it a whole other set of fears and stress - namely gun violence and bullying. My oldest son is also at the age where he is the only one of his friends who doesn't have a phone and that's been tough to navigate. And explaining the state of the world in age-appropriate terms, especially right now because we live in Pennsylvania and they're even getting blasted with campaign ads on YouTube is really hard. Aside from those things, we're in the privileged position that I work from home, for myself, so my schedule is easily flexible. We live in a pretty safe area in one of the best school districts in the state so we are lucky in that regard. I do know that as my kids continue to age (they're 10 and 6 now), my stressors will only increase.
There are many reasons for increased stress as a parent, but I’d say the biggest for me are: 1) the proliferation of dangerous content being spoon fed to my teenaged son, and how it has drowned me out, making it ever more challenging to reach him; 2) teen mental health more broadly, as I watch my daughter struggle with heavier anxiety, and 3) the instability of what used to be safe spaces for kids - schools, movie theaters, concerts, parties- because of the gun culture run amok.
Beyond those, the fundamentally broken systems that touch every area of family life and ultimately are upheld to instill fear and harm and to maintain division : racism, the climate crisis, attacks on women’s rights, the weaponization of education. I could go on. These are heavy, heavy burdens for parents everywhere to carry.
The patriarchal and white supremacist approach to running this country is destroying it by distracting us parents with the lack of financial support for teachers, endless and nurtured school shootings, demands to remove phones from schools to truly traumatize our kids, laws that are meant to kill women and have trans kids commit suicide. And I haven't even started on the racism embedded in every single aspect of our country. I am enraged by the kafkaesque country we live in and enraged by so many peoples apathy. I get it. It's too much to take in. That's their goal - to overwhelm us and destroy kindness. connection, and compassion. Fuck no. I will be here fighting and loving and showing compassion for myself and for you.
My stress level is sky high. My teenage daughter has ADHD, and she is doing well academically, but focusing is a MAJOR hurdle. She cannot get a good night's sleep, and our educational system piles on more and more activities and obligations on the shoulders of these teens. For example, to join the Honor Society, she has to do volunteer hours. WTF? I said NO. There are not enough hours in the day to be in clubs, excel academically, and push volunteering. The school pushes AP classes and puts students in a pressure cooker. I worry so much that she will have a breakdown. It's the educational system that denied her help and refused to test her for ADHD, even though they had the resources. I had to take her to independent testing to get the diagnosis and then finally force the school to take responsibility and get work done.
Wow! I can so relate to this. I’m so sorry Beth.
Thanks so much Jill!
High level of stress over here! I have a neurodivergent, trans teenager. In addition to all of the mental and physical healthcare needs of my teenager, the current political environment (and rights hanging in the balance with this election- even for a family living in Northern CA) adds a ton of mental load and stress on my teenager and myself. Add in gun violence, racism, conflicts around the world, etc...and the compounded stress is too much to bear some days, especially for my sensitive, quirky kiddo. And for me as a parent, I need an outlet for my own needs. My own stress is also impacting my kiddo.
This summarizes exactly how I feel as well (also live in NoCal, trans teen, etc). Thank you for sharing.
Not a parent. Posting as an outsider observing parent culture through my friends' experiences: everything is an arms race with no end in sight: education, extracurricular, sports, music, art, jobs, resume. You have to do/have/provide the maximum at all times, otherwise you've failed. There's no physical human way that parents can ensure the best of the best of everything for their kid at all times, plus attend every game/performance/whatever activity their kid is a part of, plus work, plus chores plus cooking healthy meals and laundry and and and...it's impossible. And it seems designed that way. Underlying it all: this creeping realization that if you don't sacrifice absolutely everything to get your kid a vanishingly small chance to climb up the economic ladder/get a leg up, then you have doomed them to a life of failure and poverty. There is a sense of limited opportunities and economic precariousness that seeps through any and all kid activities. It's sad and hard to see. Like, do we really have to worry about college scholarships at the 7-year-olds soccer league? It seems too much to me as an outsider. I want to support my friends. And be friends with their kids. But I can't be the last priority at all times. And there's very little "down time" or family time or chill time in today's schedules. It's hard to see my friends struggle. It's hard for me to find time to fit into their kids non-stop schedule. It's hard to maintain a friendship against modern economic insecurity driving parents to optimize 24-7. Do I expect friends to lessen our contact the first 3-5 years? Yeah, I get it's all-consuming. But if the answer is "no" for the first 18 years because of school, sports, activities, whatever, it gets harder and harder. And parents feel isolated. And our friendship has dropped off...the only answer is fuck the patriarchy.
When I was pregnant with my daughter, my fiancé and I bought a house in 2022 (enough said). As the breadwinner, I had 12 months of leave, but only 6 weeks were paid (60% of my salary). I was anxious to get back to work because we had a mortgage to pay. I didn't feel like I could fully enjoy and be present with my newborn. Then, when I went back to work, I suffered from extreme insomnia due to all the anxiety I felt and the massive hormonal changes. My fiancé works full time and does so much of the caregiving. We're fortunate to have grandparents for practically full-time childcare. But knowing that if something happened to our parents who are aging, I feel a lot of guilt even though they are willing to help and we pay them what we can. That weighs on me. Work is more precarious than ever, with so many companies telling employees to come back in full time or massive layoffs. I work hybrid, but my job is a 50-minute drive. Knowing that if they decided to go back to 5 days in office, it would push me over. And having a daughter during a period in which there is a war on women, it just goes on and on. So yeah, my stress level is pretty high.
I'm on a mission to GROW GOOD MENTAL HEALTH. We can define and work to improve our physical and dental health. But we still don't have a decent definition of what MENTAL HEALTH IS, let alone know how to improve and grow it!
I'm also on a mission to help parents better understand the instruction manual their child is born with. Once parents understand that ALL BEHAVIOR IS PURPOSEFUL, and that a child's behavior is their language, not a problem to be controlled, parents will change how they are doing their parenting job and experience less stress.
Please read my Substack, "Growing Good Family & Mental Health" to learn how.
Dr. Nancy Buck