Dan Savage posted this, and Jessica Craven sent it in her weekly list of good news—I am trying to remember this every day:
“The next four years are gonna suck. But they'll suck worse if we let the news cycle — and the man who dominates it — drain the joy from our lives. We need to pay attention and we need to stay in the fight. Because of course we do. But we should spend as much time as we possibly can over the next four years with friends and lovers doing things that bring us joy. Anyone who tells you that making time for joy - however you define it — is a distraction or a betrayal has no idea what they're talking about. During the darkest days of the AIDS crisis, we buried our friends in the morning, we protested in the afternoon, and we danced all night. The dance kept us in the fight because it was the dance we were fighting for. It didn't look like we were going to win then and we did. It doesn't feel like we're going to win now but we could. Keep fighting, keep dancing.”
Yes to reconnecting with ourselves in ways that seem small but are powerful. Cooking. Reading fiction. Gardening. Walking. Laughing with friends. Petting a cat or dog. Making time to take a class in something joyful and thought -provoking.
I wake up around 4 am when it is still dark. I'm empty nest. I light a scented a candle while my tea is brewing. I sit in my wicker nest chair. It's like a cocoon. I feel away from the world. There are no lamps on. I meditate and do meditative breathing. Then it's Pilates. I decide how much news I can take. It's all in print, no TV news. My son will call me about 8 am to check in and we discuss our respective plans. If possible I take a walk, sometimes with a neighbor. He is a recently retired ER doctor. We go to a local independent cafe. I typically take 1-2 days off from news. I get all my news on Substack and newsletters from Democracy Docket, founded by voting rights attorney Marc Elias. I do not watch TV. Everyone in my family and circle of friends volunteered on the Harris-Walz campaign. I'm not addicted to social media either. Healthy eating is a must. Being in nature, helping others, volunteering, doing what we can to support Democratic causes, are all very important. We have to do what we feel we have the resources and skills to do going forward. Throughout the day I take breaks for exercise and meditation. There's also really good chocolate about 3 pm. Music, Looking at the sky. Watching the birds and squirrels in the trees outside my home. Reading nature, landscape design, and art books as well as poetry. I'm grateful to you and Dr. Lucy McBride's Substack, Are You OK, for being here for us.
If I’m being honest, some days it’s working out, meditating and journaling, and other days it’s a bowl of raw cookie dough, Chardonnay and Netflix binging. I know logically that we need to take care of ourselves and it’s a marathon not a sprint... But as a highly sensitive empath this *hit is hard and it’s hard for me to easily shake off the daily deluge of ICK. My hope is that my unhealthy habits will subside as my jeans are getting tight! Tennis and hiking with friends is a highlight.
Ps- On a positive note these prompts are really hitting the mark! Thanks Shannon!
Pss- We are not alone in our sadness and strength, and this community is damn strong!
I did rally laugh out loud at your raw cookie dough comment. Fifty years ago I went to a university in England for a year. One other American student was fond of making chocolate chip cookies. Some of the others of us would almost devour the bowl of raw dough. One English student piped up and said,”this is lovely, how would it taste baked?”
Ha! Such an American student thing!! During my junior year abroad (in France) my roommate loved raw chocolate chip cookie dough so I would make it for her all the time. We also stopped baking the cookies and started experimenting with different ingredients, instead, including using amaretto instead of vanilla! I bet that would be great with dried cherries along with the chocolate chips.... Gonna have to try that the next time I see her! (We're still friends, decades later - I credit the cookie dough!)
Fellow sensitive here, and I'm definitely feeling it! I'm trying to stay open to coping in a variety of ways without judging myself too much (or at least feeling compassion for how hard this time is). But we are definitely not alone!
I dance. I dance around the living room. I dance at the grocery store. I dance with other women especially. Dancing freely releases grief and anger so there's room to focus on the good things in life like joy, fun, laughter and a sense of inner power.
“Taking care of ourselves, so we have the energy to fight, is critical.” I wish more people (especially moms) really internalized this. I take care of myself by attuning to my body and heart, and turning off media. I know the contribution I make is valuable, and I can honor that by taking care of myself. Otherwise, I will become the weakest link in the chain of our community. Self-care is critical.
I really appreciate your image of becoming the weakest link in the chain. That resonates more to me than "put your own oxygen mask on first." You're right; more moms, helpers, and caregivers need to deeply internalize this message. I feel like the first round of this administration and then the pandemic really prepared me for this moment of knowing that I can't give all of myself away. Too many people are depending on me to be a strong, stable link in the chain. That's worth whatever boundaries I need to set.
That's such a great perspective. Boundaries can feel hard, so it helps to know it will be worth it.
The oxygen mask image is so played out, and even though we all know it, I bet when those bags dropped down, most moms would still reach for their kids first. But being a strong link is responsible.
Yes, Kate, I agree that as a mom, it would be incredibly difficult to avoid reaching for my kid first. But as I read your comment, I realized that this feels different. For me, it’s not a sudden “put your mask on” situation; it’s a long, unfolding set of challenges. Being a strong link seems better suited to this kind of situation. As you said, it feels responsible. It also feels possible to do, even as a mom. Thanks for bringing these points up!
The common lexicon is critical. We must all speak and reinforce with the same phrases and slogans. My question is that we face a common foe of psychopathic neo-fascists. I have worked hard to promote the correct name for our foe: psychopathic neo-fascists. In aggregate we have 37 different names for the foe and we have no focus as we look down our gunsights before we pull the trigger. I move for one target for all. They are neither fascists nor Nazis. These psychopathic neo-fascists suffer an anti-social mental disorder from brain distress during childhood and adolescence, hence the lack of empathy and uncommon cruelty. Thom Hartmann made a strong marketing point this morning. Marketing is the activity, set of institutions, and processes for creating, communicating, delivering, and exchanging offerings that have value for customers, clients, partners, and society at large. If we want to gather and convince our voters of the value offered in our candidate and the platform, we must market consistently, with skill, integrity, and UNIFIED voices driving home the benefits that we envision and that we promise. Our hardest task before us is the need to rouse the DNC. I believe it needs reconstruction. What do you think? https://hotbuttons.substack.com/p/i-will-call-the-dnc-today?r=3m1bs
Taking care of physical and mental health is important during stressful times. I try to get in exercise most days(that helps both!). I see my therapist regularly to keep my thoughts and actions in check. I try to do my favorite hobbies such as read or play piano daily. I try to keep doom scrolling to a bare minimum. I started a gratitude journal where I write one thine I’m grateful for at the end of each day. My biggest issue is difficulty sleeping- falling asleep, waking up in the middle of the night and not falling back asleep.
I am having the same problem with sleep - Waking up at 2 am. I don't have an answer. I just plug in my AirPods and listen to music. Sometimes I return to sleep but other times it takes longer. If I've read less news I sleep better. I absorb as much news as I can in the early morning, then stay off news the rest of the day.
Putting the phone down and reading books that are for entertainment purposes. Also...Real Housewives! I need to get better at implementing walks and as I listen to the audiobook by Ina Garten, I want to cook more...I cook every night but it's nothing fancy and she makes me want to make time to be more purposeful about my meals.
As easy as it is to turn to Netflix or scrolling social media mindlessly to 'switch off', I think this is one of the worst things to do - far too overstimulating and under nourishing. Put your phone on do not disturb, get on a quiet playlist if needed, get physical with your hands - turn physical pages, make dinner from scratch - spray your favourite scent and take five minutes to just inhale, exhale. Walk somewhere and nowhere. Return to analogue actions and remind oneself over and over that we have moments still to treasure and calm in our mind x
I’m the same. Phone on do not disturb. Plugged into music with my AirPods on meditative, peaceful music. No video. It clutters my mind. Avoiding my“ news junkie” friends. Make a list each morning of what you have been procrastinating on and get it done.
This is such a struggle. I was just saying out loud to my husband and daughter last night after getting worked up relating some of the bonkers things that have happened this week, “I can’t do this again for four years. I CAN’T.” Nature helps me feel grounded but it’s harder when it’s cold and snowy/wet outside. I’m planning a trip to look forward to. Forcing myself to put my phone down more often. Tackling small projects around the house where I feel like I can make progress and make our lives feel calmer and cozier/safer. Reminding myself it’s a practice, doesn’t have to be perfect, and this practice helps me become stronger and more resilient, able to help more.
Yes! Putting my phone down and tackling small projects around the house! This has helped me, too. I feel a sense of accomplishment, which feeds on itself, so I move on to the next project to finish. Plus, I also have a trip on the horizon, which really helps to break up the cycles, whatever they are, so you can come back and start over. Thanks for this - it made me realize what I'm already doing is actually helping me! :+D
Yay! It’s been difficult for me to disconnect from the doom scrolling with everything going on this weekend, so your comment just gave me some extra encouragement too. We figure this out together!
I regularly attend two support groups at different ends of the week, both of them founded in fellowship with climate activists and others concerned about climate disruption. While the eco-disasters have increased, we have sustained each other throughout by relaying information, talking over action strategies, and enjoying that special kind of affection that arises from shared values and concerns. So helpful!
My go to is exercising at the senior center or Y or walking when it isn't freezing out! Turning off the TV and waiting for the nightly news is all I can handle. My hubby has that TV on 24/7 and it drives me crazy. I quilt so making scrappy table runners or just cutting fabric is a great stress release and enjoyable. We need to find the joy and hope.
I've been listening to Dan Harris' podcast, 10% Happier, trying to incorporate some Buddhist practices into my daily life; making sure I'm getting enough sleep and exercise; spending time in nature when weather permits; disciplining myself to set aside time for listening to the news and setting aside time for taking action; and finally, commiserating with like-minded friends in as positive way as possible.
Things I have in my toolbox during stressful times . Mediation, mindfulness, breathing, walking outside in nature , crochet, drawing, reading. Limiting screen time, unplugging. It is difficult these days but necessary for mental well-being.
Dan Savage posted this, and Jessica Craven sent it in her weekly list of good news—I am trying to remember this every day:
“The next four years are gonna suck. But they'll suck worse if we let the news cycle — and the man who dominates it — drain the joy from our lives. We need to pay attention and we need to stay in the fight. Because of course we do. But we should spend as much time as we possibly can over the next four years with friends and lovers doing things that bring us joy. Anyone who tells you that making time for joy - however you define it — is a distraction or a betrayal has no idea what they're talking about. During the darkest days of the AIDS crisis, we buried our friends in the morning, we protested in the afternoon, and we danced all night. The dance kept us in the fight because it was the dance we were fighting for. It didn't look like we were going to win then and we did. It doesn't feel like we're going to win now but we could. Keep fighting, keep dancing.”
Thank you for sharing this!!
You are so welcome!! 😃♥️
Yes to reconnecting with ourselves in ways that seem small but are powerful. Cooking. Reading fiction. Gardening. Walking. Laughing with friends. Petting a cat or dog. Making time to take a class in something joyful and thought -provoking.
Love these examples.
I wake up around 4 am when it is still dark. I'm empty nest. I light a scented a candle while my tea is brewing. I sit in my wicker nest chair. It's like a cocoon. I feel away from the world. There are no lamps on. I meditate and do meditative breathing. Then it's Pilates. I decide how much news I can take. It's all in print, no TV news. My son will call me about 8 am to check in and we discuss our respective plans. If possible I take a walk, sometimes with a neighbor. He is a recently retired ER doctor. We go to a local independent cafe. I typically take 1-2 days off from news. I get all my news on Substack and newsletters from Democracy Docket, founded by voting rights attorney Marc Elias. I do not watch TV. Everyone in my family and circle of friends volunteered on the Harris-Walz campaign. I'm not addicted to social media either. Healthy eating is a must. Being in nature, helping others, volunteering, doing what we can to support Democratic causes, are all very important. We have to do what we feel we have the resources and skills to do going forward. Throughout the day I take breaks for exercise and meditation. There's also really good chocolate about 3 pm. Music, Looking at the sky. Watching the birds and squirrels in the trees outside my home. Reading nature, landscape design, and art books as well as poetry. I'm grateful to you and Dr. Lucy McBride's Substack, Are You OK, for being here for us.
I love this, Linda.
Okay. This made me cry. Thank you so much. I am 50% of the way to following your example and plan to make it to 100% by the year's end. Thank you!
If I’m being honest, some days it’s working out, meditating and journaling, and other days it’s a bowl of raw cookie dough, Chardonnay and Netflix binging. I know logically that we need to take care of ourselves and it’s a marathon not a sprint... But as a highly sensitive empath this *hit is hard and it’s hard for me to easily shake off the daily deluge of ICK. My hope is that my unhealthy habits will subside as my jeans are getting tight! Tennis and hiking with friends is a highlight.
Ps- On a positive note these prompts are really hitting the mark! Thanks Shannon!
Pss- We are not alone in our sadness and strength, and this community is damn strong!
That balance of working out and raw cookie dough is needed right now.
I did rally laugh out loud at your raw cookie dough comment. Fifty years ago I went to a university in England for a year. One other American student was fond of making chocolate chip cookies. Some of the others of us would almost devour the bowl of raw dough. One English student piped up and said,”this is lovely, how would it taste baked?”
Ha! Such an American student thing!! During my junior year abroad (in France) my roommate loved raw chocolate chip cookie dough so I would make it for her all the time. We also stopped baking the cookies and started experimenting with different ingredients, instead, including using amaretto instead of vanilla! I bet that would be great with dried cherries along with the chocolate chips.... Gonna have to try that the next time I see her! (We're still friends, decades later - I credit the cookie dough!)
Fellow sensitive here, and I'm definitely feeling it! I'm trying to stay open to coping in a variety of ways without judging myself too much (or at least feeling compassion for how hard this time is). But we are definitely not alone!
I embrace my sense of humor every day. It's my greatest strength. My greatest weakness is forgetting about my greatest strength!
Sense of humor is also crucial right now!
Same. Pulling a prank is so vital to my wellbeing. 😁
I dance. I dance around the living room. I dance at the grocery store. I dance with other women especially. Dancing freely releases grief and anger so there's room to focus on the good things in life like joy, fun, laughter and a sense of inner power.
Oh I love this!
“Taking care of ourselves, so we have the energy to fight, is critical.” I wish more people (especially moms) really internalized this. I take care of myself by attuning to my body and heart, and turning off media. I know the contribution I make is valuable, and I can honor that by taking care of myself. Otherwise, I will become the weakest link in the chain of our community. Self-care is critical.
I love this, Kate! And couldn't agree more.
Thank you for the prompt Shannon.
I really appreciate your image of becoming the weakest link in the chain. That resonates more to me than "put your own oxygen mask on first." You're right; more moms, helpers, and caregivers need to deeply internalize this message. I feel like the first round of this administration and then the pandemic really prepared me for this moment of knowing that I can't give all of myself away. Too many people are depending on me to be a strong, stable link in the chain. That's worth whatever boundaries I need to set.
That's such a great perspective. Boundaries can feel hard, so it helps to know it will be worth it.
The oxygen mask image is so played out, and even though we all know it, I bet when those bags dropped down, most moms would still reach for their kids first. But being a strong link is responsible.
Yes, Kate, I agree that as a mom, it would be incredibly difficult to avoid reaching for my kid first. But as I read your comment, I realized that this feels different. For me, it’s not a sudden “put your mask on” situation; it’s a long, unfolding set of challenges. Being a strong link seems better suited to this kind of situation. As you said, it feels responsible. It also feels possible to do, even as a mom. Thanks for bringing these points up!
Thank you Lori, this is the kind of conversation I'm obsessed with. 😉
I’m so glad we connected, Kate! 😊
The common lexicon is critical. We must all speak and reinforce with the same phrases and slogans. My question is that we face a common foe of psychopathic neo-fascists. I have worked hard to promote the correct name for our foe: psychopathic neo-fascists. In aggregate we have 37 different names for the foe and we have no focus as we look down our gunsights before we pull the trigger. I move for one target for all. They are neither fascists nor Nazis. These psychopathic neo-fascists suffer an anti-social mental disorder from brain distress during childhood and adolescence, hence the lack of empathy and uncommon cruelty. Thom Hartmann made a strong marketing point this morning. Marketing is the activity, set of institutions, and processes for creating, communicating, delivering, and exchanging offerings that have value for customers, clients, partners, and society at large. If we want to gather and convince our voters of the value offered in our candidate and the platform, we must market consistently, with skill, integrity, and UNIFIED voices driving home the benefits that we envision and that we promise. Our hardest task before us is the need to rouse the DNC. I believe it needs reconstruction. What do you think? https://hotbuttons.substack.com/p/i-will-call-the-dnc-today?r=3m1bs
Hopefully we will have a highly energetic, motivated new DNC chair after Saturday's election for a new Chairman.
Taking care of physical and mental health is important during stressful times. I try to get in exercise most days(that helps both!). I see my therapist regularly to keep my thoughts and actions in check. I try to do my favorite hobbies such as read or play piano daily. I try to keep doom scrolling to a bare minimum. I started a gratitude journal where I write one thine I’m grateful for at the end of each day. My biggest issue is difficulty sleeping- falling asleep, waking up in the middle of the night and not falling back asleep.
I don't think you're alone in not being able to sleep right now.
I am having the same problem with sleep - Waking up at 2 am. I don't have an answer. I just plug in my AirPods and listen to music. Sometimes I return to sleep but other times it takes longer. If I've read less news I sleep better. I absorb as much news as I can in the early morning, then stay off news the rest of the day.
Putting the phone down and reading books that are for entertainment purposes. Also...Real Housewives! I need to get better at implementing walks and as I listen to the audiobook by Ina Garten, I want to cook more...I cook every night but it's nothing fancy and she makes me want to make time to be more purposeful about my meals.
Love it, Michelle!
As easy as it is to turn to Netflix or scrolling social media mindlessly to 'switch off', I think this is one of the worst things to do - far too overstimulating and under nourishing. Put your phone on do not disturb, get on a quiet playlist if needed, get physical with your hands - turn physical pages, make dinner from scratch - spray your favourite scent and take five minutes to just inhale, exhale. Walk somewhere and nowhere. Return to analogue actions and remind oneself over and over that we have moments still to treasure and calm in our mind x
Love this Amie.
I’m the same. Phone on do not disturb. Plugged into music with my AirPods on meditative, peaceful music. No video. It clutters my mind. Avoiding my“ news junkie” friends. Make a list each morning of what you have been procrastinating on and get it done.
This is such a struggle. I was just saying out loud to my husband and daughter last night after getting worked up relating some of the bonkers things that have happened this week, “I can’t do this again for four years. I CAN’T.” Nature helps me feel grounded but it’s harder when it’s cold and snowy/wet outside. I’m planning a trip to look forward to. Forcing myself to put my phone down more often. Tackling small projects around the house where I feel like I can make progress and make our lives feel calmer and cozier/safer. Reminding myself it’s a practice, doesn’t have to be perfect, and this practice helps me become stronger and more resilient, able to help more.
Love the idea of having something to look forward to!
Yes! Putting my phone down and tackling small projects around the house! This has helped me, too. I feel a sense of accomplishment, which feeds on itself, so I move on to the next project to finish. Plus, I also have a trip on the horizon, which really helps to break up the cycles, whatever they are, so you can come back and start over. Thanks for this - it made me realize what I'm already doing is actually helping me! :+D
Yay! It’s been difficult for me to disconnect from the doom scrolling with everything going on this weekend, so your comment just gave me some extra encouragement too. We figure this out together!
I regularly attend two support groups at different ends of the week, both of them founded in fellowship with climate activists and others concerned about climate disruption. While the eco-disasters have increased, we have sustained each other throughout by relaying information, talking over action strategies, and enjoying that special kind of affection that arises from shared values and concerns. So helpful!
Oh I love this!
My go to is exercising at the senior center or Y or walking when it isn't freezing out! Turning off the TV and waiting for the nightly news is all I can handle. My hubby has that TV on 24/7 and it drives me crazy. I quilt so making scrappy table runners or just cutting fabric is a great stress release and enjoyable. We need to find the joy and hope.
We definitely do, thanks for sharing Sara.
I've been listening to Dan Harris' podcast, 10% Happier, trying to incorporate some Buddhist practices into my daily life; making sure I'm getting enough sleep and exercise; spending time in nature when weather permits; disciplining myself to set aside time for listening to the news and setting aside time for taking action; and finally, commiserating with like-minded friends in as positive way as possible.
This is great, Tamara!
Things I have in my toolbox during stressful times . Mediation, mindfulness, breathing, walking outside in nature , crochet, drawing, reading. Limiting screen time, unplugging. It is difficult these days but necessary for mental well-being.
I love these.