💬 Thursday Thread: What's something you've decided to give no more fucks to?
Let's talk about the double-bind of fucksgiving
Earlier this week, I wrote about that double-bind of fucksgiving—something women suffer from specifically: we’re expected to be both soft and hard in the world, but when we lean into the hard, like when we’re filled with rage, we’re called “difficult” and “shrill.”
From my post:
“In order to make change in the world—to protect and nurture your family, community, and country—you need to give all the fucks. But to protect yourself—to have a tough exterior that can withstand the blowback you’ll get for being an angry woman—you have to learn to give zero fucks; to stop caring what others want from you or what they think about you. It’s a pathological predicament that requires women to be both hard and soft in the world. We must be both impenetrable and vulnerable.”
And yet, we know that striking that perfect balance of fucksgiving is absolutely impossible. No matter what we do, it will likely be wrong. So it’s time to let those fucks go. And today’s thread is a perfect time to do that.
👉 For today, here’s what I want to know:
What is something in your life you’ve started giving zero fucks about? Maybe it’s about being likable, or presenting yourself in a certain way, or taking advice from people who don’t know you, or when society tells you you’re “too old” for another chapter. Shout it out in the comments so we can cheer you on, too!
Welcome to the Thursday Threads, a weekly chance for us to connect with one another in the comments. Join me and other readers as we navigate important discussions. And a note: a difference of opinion is always okay, being unkind to one another is not. Let’s keep these conversations respectful.
My new book Fired Up: How to Turn Your Spark Into a Flame and Come Alive at Any Age, is available for preorder! Out in June 2025, Fired Up will give you the formula for finding your unique spark and show you how to use it to start fires in your life. By preordering, you can enroll for FREE in Firestarter University, a year-long online program that includes live monthly workshops, workbooks and resources, accountability check-ins, and a community to help you succeed.
As a lifelong people-pleaser, I care a whole lot less of what people think of me. (But i am still working on this.)
Being palatable to men. Including my husband. I'm no longer suppressing my feelings and my moral code when something doesn't sit right with me. I've done enough healing that I know I can speak my mind respectfully but directly, and if a man considers that "aggressive" or "rude" that is his issue to reflect upon, not mine. And I'll say so without a cutesy lil smile.