I’ve learned that I’m stronger than I thought. Caregiving for my elderly mother has fallen to me due to lack of involvement from my siblings. At first I was resentful but now I am learning to set boundaries and step into the role to the best of my abilities, without sacrificing my health. I am finding my voice, learning to say no, and learning to state my needs while accepting that I cannot control anyone else but myself. It is character building work. Adulting is hard but I’m here for it!
Jennifer - I have exactly the same situation with elderly parents, and you said everything that I too have discovered through the process. Thank you for sharing!!
I am learning that I do have the courage of my convictions, even when it's hard or scary to speak out. That knowledge (that I can and will speak out) is also hard and scary, but also thoroughly exhilarating.
I learned that I am a good library board member, by leaning in with my soft skills. I've never served on a board before so I'm surprised that I'm actually good at it. I decided to spend a fair amount of time getting to know and connect with my fellow board members. The impact has been that we're building a new branch, protecting another from closure, and I'm thriving in my role.
I’ve learned that I’m able to experience a range of emotions while being firm about not allowing fear to take over. It was really important to me to be with this election differently in that way. It’s possible this will go out the window in the coming months/years but I’m hopeful that it won’t. I feel stronger and more confident in my ability to create a better world in this place I’m in right now.
I had a very small business, longarm-quilting for clients. I started it about 8 years ago, and built up a nice little steady customer base. But then we had a granddaughter (with a second baby on the way in two weeks). And then my friends started getting cancers. And then, this summer, I spent a week at a vacation house with two of my longest-held friends, one from junior high school (as it was called then), neither of whom lives anywhere near me—one not even in the country— both of whom have had cancers…one who is very ill as I write. That week was just a sea change for me. We did art, we laughed, we walked, we dined and watched a silly movie and sat on the beach. What I’ve learned: life is too short and too uncertain at my age to allow in time and energy-eaters that aren’t fully satisfying in some way. Especially in the wake of this awful election, I need my people, I need my creative activities, and I need time. Time to think, to connect, to learn, to read, daydream, exercise. I closed my business this fall. My time is, once again, my own. I am calmer. I am resolute. I will deal with whatever comes. Love to all.
Amy, you sound like a great friend. You are right: life is way too short to allow people to drain us of our energy. I got cancer in my 30s, at a time in my life when my marriage was disintegrating and my workplace was oppressive. Luckily for me, I got to live. I recalibrated my life by divorcing my husband and getting another career. Oh, and lots of therapy.
I am learning the importance of managing my emotions, allowing my feelings while staying grounded in what I have under my control. I have to focus on what I can do, not what can happen.
I am learning to carve my own path and validate my own path of creativity, instead of allowing it to be validated/chasing what gatekeepers want. Also, I care far more about the time and process of who I am working with, and how it is to work with them, than the end product. Time & relationships are so important.
I’m learning to nurture and reparent my inner child and inner teenager. And that although I feel alone in this current transition of my life I am exactly where I need to be. To give myself grace, self love and self compassion for all that I’ve been through and that time means being patient with myself. Take as many rest moments as I can possibly take without any judgement or shame and learn to breathe again! 🫶
I am learning that I've lived my life being too nice and that nice doesn't serve me. That being nice is not the same as being kind, and that I am still a good person, a kind person, but have a right to my voice, that my voice matters, and I can choose to set boundaries vs. being too nice in the name of peace and harmony.
Thank you for sharing this. I relate so much to your story. I, too, have recently learned that I am so much stronger than I realized and that I can set and hold boundaries. Tough, but crucial!! I can be kind and still very much myself, but also with my own interest still in the mix!
I learned that sharing my candid truth about my abortion was actually very healing to that part of me that had been holding onto shame for over three decades. While I still don't think a woman's reproductive health choices are anyone's damn business, the current political situation compelled me to tell a very personal story. I feel lighter, fired-up (i.e. furious!) and ready to continue the fight for a woman's right to bodily autonomy. I am beyond grateful and so honored to have had the opportunity to share our stories together. I wish we'd known each other while at Mizzou! 💞
Melissa, I'm glad you shared so honestly. I agree that the government should not be involved in women's reproductive issues. I've always believed in choice. If someone chooses to have a baby, that is their choice, and if someone chooses not to -- for whatever reason -- it's their choice, as well.
I've learned that I believe I have an obligation and a privilege to use my voice to help others, however imperfect that voice might be. It is more important to me to bring people together than drive them apart (and this is the hard one) because I truly believe kindness opens doors to understanding.
I've been learning to curate my "mind feed," the inner monologue and constant stream of thoughts occurring in my head, to operate from a place of choice instead of reactivity. After the election I realized very clearly that there is little I can control, except for my own mind. No matter who holds the external power or what happens in the future, my thoughts belong to me and shape the quality of my life. In practice so far, this has looked like experimenting with the amount and frequency of media I'm engaged with and noticing how my body and mind react after. How did the news article affect my heart, my brain? Where are my thoughts going? Am I amplifying someone else's opinions/fears in my head? Is the perspective one I share or not? Etc I've also allowed my body more rest sprinkled throughout the day. Between these two practices, I've felt greater ease and freedom despite the external challenges. I've also felt my dreamy, imaginative and creative self return. And that's from where I think I can do the most good in the world.
I meditate a few minutes morning and evening, and before sleep I practice PMR (progressive muscle relaxation). I do some breath work throughout the day especially when I need to remind myself I am not my thoughts. I would be doing more of an asana practice but I’m so darn busy getting ready for the holidays. Yoga is a practice I’ve had for nearly 30 years.
Lynn - I love how you think about this - that our thoughts belong to us and shape the quality of our life. It is so true. My head can take me totally off track, and what I ingest can take my head off track. I have not withdrawn from media, but I have reduced it and become more selective so that I don't get overwhelmed and start to panic, and it's helping me to stay calm and positive despite what we learn every day. Thanks for sharing this!
For a short time, I grieved the election results. However, I really learned the value of self-care when I refused to have my life ruined by this political circus we have now. So two days after the election, I came back to my oil paints and canvas. And I felt joy. Despite the upheaval in the U.S.
I’ve learned that I don’t care much about being nice anymore. I know I’m a good person. I’ve reached the limit of my tolerance for toxic masculinity and patriarchal arrogance, and I am prepared to unleash the total wrath, but only at the right moment, in the right way, for the right reasons. Otherwise, that energy is all mine to use in my best interests, and in part that is about returning to things that are spiritual.
I've learned that I can hold, and honor, many different feelings at the same time. The day before the election, I lost my brother. This was just four months after losing my sister .I was very close to both of them. The grief and the sadness can be overwhelming. The uncertainty and the fear from the election results are palpable at times. And, my daughter is getting married in the Spring, and I refuse to not feel the joy and happiness around dress fittings, celebrations and the anticipation of this happy time. So I am practicing making space for these different feelings, so that they have space, but the tough ones don't overwhelm me and push everything else out. I'm grateful I have the ability to do this - to feel them and acknowledge them and realize that being human encompasses all of this.
I learned that I can navigate an open angle glaucoma diagnosis in the midst of Pacific NW bomb cyclone fallout. I can navigate road closures, downed power lines and ridiculous gridlock to get to a safe, warm place with power. I learned that my husband of 34+ years is my rock during difficult times, and he is creative at using our EV truck to power our refrigerators. I learned that Thanksgiving bycan come a week early when my little family hunkers down with that leg of lamb I was saving but decided I might as well cook because life is short.
I’ve learned that I’m stronger than I thought. Caregiving for my elderly mother has fallen to me due to lack of involvement from my siblings. At first I was resentful but now I am learning to set boundaries and step into the role to the best of my abilities, without sacrificing my health. I am finding my voice, learning to say no, and learning to state my needs while accepting that I cannot control anyone else but myself. It is character building work. Adulting is hard but I’m here for it!
This is amazing!
Thank you so much Shannon!
It's so difficult to be a caregiver. Good for you for setting boundaries and giving yourself the self-care you need and deserve.
Thank you so much for your kind words of support Beth!
Jennifer - I have exactly the same situation with elderly parents, and you said everything that I too have discovered through the process. Thank you for sharing!!
Thank you for sharing that Leslie. People have no idea what caregiving entails until they’re doing it. Wishing you lots of strength and self-care!
I am learning that I do have the courage of my convictions, even when it's hard or scary to speak out. That knowledge (that I can and will speak out) is also hard and scary, but also thoroughly exhilarating.
That is when it's most important to speak. You got this.
I learned that I am a good library board member, by leaning in with my soft skills. I've never served on a board before so I'm surprised that I'm actually good at it. I decided to spend a fair amount of time getting to know and connect with my fellow board members. The impact has been that we're building a new branch, protecting another from closure, and I'm thriving in my role.
That is incredible!
I’ve learned that I’m able to experience a range of emotions while being firm about not allowing fear to take over. It was really important to me to be with this election differently in that way. It’s possible this will go out the window in the coming months/years but I’m hopeful that it won’t. I feel stronger and more confident in my ability to create a better world in this place I’m in right now.
Not allowing the fear to take over is huge.
I had a very small business, longarm-quilting for clients. I started it about 8 years ago, and built up a nice little steady customer base. But then we had a granddaughter (with a second baby on the way in two weeks). And then my friends started getting cancers. And then, this summer, I spent a week at a vacation house with two of my longest-held friends, one from junior high school (as it was called then), neither of whom lives anywhere near me—one not even in the country— both of whom have had cancers…one who is very ill as I write. That week was just a sea change for me. We did art, we laughed, we walked, we dined and watched a silly movie and sat on the beach. What I’ve learned: life is too short and too uncertain at my age to allow in time and energy-eaters that aren’t fully satisfying in some way. Especially in the wake of this awful election, I need my people, I need my creative activities, and I need time. Time to think, to connect, to learn, to read, daydream, exercise. I closed my business this fall. My time is, once again, my own. I am calmer. I am resolute. I will deal with whatever comes. Love to all.
This is great, and I love the term energy-eaters.
Thank you Shannon. I am a great admirer of yours!
Amy, you sound like a great friend. You are right: life is way too short to allow people to drain us of our energy. I got cancer in my 30s, at a time in my life when my marriage was disintegrating and my workplace was oppressive. Luckily for me, I got to live. I recalibrated my life by divorcing my husband and getting another career. Oh, and lots of therapy.
Why is life so darn crappy? Good for you, turning that shit around!
Shit happens!
I am learning the importance of managing my emotions, allowing my feelings while staying grounded in what I have under my control. I have to focus on what I can do, not what can happen.
Yes, focusing on what we can control is always the most crucial (and sometimes hardest) part.
I'm learning this too, Kathy. Thanks for sharing.
I am learning to carve my own path and validate my own path of creativity, instead of allowing it to be validated/chasing what gatekeepers want. Also, I care far more about the time and process of who I am working with, and how it is to work with them, than the end product. Time & relationships are so important.
I couldn't agree more.
I’m learning to nurture and reparent my inner child and inner teenager. And that although I feel alone in this current transition of my life I am exactly where I need to be. To give myself grace, self love and self compassion for all that I’ve been through and that time means being patient with myself. Take as many rest moments as I can possibly take without any judgement or shame and learn to breathe again! 🫶
I love this, Sandy.
Thank you so much! 🫶🥰🫂❤️
I love this! I am doing the same through ACOA. Such crucial work. ❤️
It’s such a magical journey to go on with my inner child/teenager 🥰
I am learning that I've lived my life being too nice and that nice doesn't serve me. That being nice is not the same as being kind, and that I am still a good person, a kind person, but have a right to my voice, that my voice matters, and I can choose to set boundaries vs. being too nice in the name of peace and harmony.
Totally spot-on! I'm too nice at times. I'm also kind, but like you say, having one's own voice matters.
Totally agree! Saying no when you mean it and setting boundaries is being kind to ourselves. Good luck, it’s tough but so worthwhile.
Thank you for sharing this. I relate so much to your story. I, too, have recently learned that I am so much stronger than I realized and that I can set and hold boundaries. Tough, but crucial!! I can be kind and still very much myself, but also with my own interest still in the mix!
I learned that sharing my candid truth about my abortion was actually very healing to that part of me that had been holding onto shame for over three decades. While I still don't think a woman's reproductive health choices are anyone's damn business, the current political situation compelled me to tell a very personal story. I feel lighter, fired-up (i.e. furious!) and ready to continue the fight for a woman's right to bodily autonomy. I am beyond grateful and so honored to have had the opportunity to share our stories together. I wish we'd known each other while at Mizzou! 💞
Melissa, I'm glad you shared so honestly. I agree that the government should not be involved in women's reproductive issues. I've always believed in choice. If someone chooses to have a baby, that is their choice, and if someone chooses not to -- for whatever reason -- it's their choice, as well.
I've learned that I believe I have an obligation and a privilege to use my voice to help others, however imperfect that voice might be. It is more important to me to bring people together than drive them apart (and this is the hard one) because I truly believe kindness opens doors to understanding.
I've been learning to curate my "mind feed," the inner monologue and constant stream of thoughts occurring in my head, to operate from a place of choice instead of reactivity. After the election I realized very clearly that there is little I can control, except for my own mind. No matter who holds the external power or what happens in the future, my thoughts belong to me and shape the quality of my life. In practice so far, this has looked like experimenting with the amount and frequency of media I'm engaged with and noticing how my body and mind react after. How did the news article affect my heart, my brain? Where are my thoughts going? Am I amplifying someone else's opinions/fears in my head? Is the perspective one I share or not? Etc I've also allowed my body more rest sprinkled throughout the day. Between these two practices, I've felt greater ease and freedom despite the external challenges. I've also felt my dreamy, imaginative and creative self return. And that's from where I think I can do the most good in the world.
I’ve been going through something very similar. I’m returning to some spiritual practices that I’ve neglected a bit.
I love that Jennifer. If you feel comfortable sharing, what are some practices that work for you?
I meditate a few minutes morning and evening, and before sleep I practice PMR (progressive muscle relaxation). I do some breath work throughout the day especially when I need to remind myself I am not my thoughts. I would be doing more of an asana practice but I’m so darn busy getting ready for the holidays. Yoga is a practice I’ve had for nearly 30 years.
Lynn - I love how you think about this - that our thoughts belong to us and shape the quality of our life. It is so true. My head can take me totally off track, and what I ingest can take my head off track. I have not withdrawn from media, but I have reduced it and become more selective so that I don't get overwhelmed and start to panic, and it's helping me to stay calm and positive despite what we learn every day. Thanks for sharing this!
You're welcome Sandy! Being an observer of the mind has helped me so much, especially when things feel off the rails.
For a short time, I grieved the election results. However, I really learned the value of self-care when I refused to have my life ruined by this political circus we have now. So two days after the election, I came back to my oil paints and canvas. And I felt joy. Despite the upheaval in the U.S.
I’ve learned that I don’t care much about being nice anymore. I know I’m a good person. I’ve reached the limit of my tolerance for toxic masculinity and patriarchal arrogance, and I am prepared to unleash the total wrath, but only at the right moment, in the right way, for the right reasons. Otherwise, that energy is all mine to use in my best interests, and in part that is about returning to things that are spiritual.
I've learned that I can hold, and honor, many different feelings at the same time. The day before the election, I lost my brother. This was just four months after losing my sister .I was very close to both of them. The grief and the sadness can be overwhelming. The uncertainty and the fear from the election results are palpable at times. And, my daughter is getting married in the Spring, and I refuse to not feel the joy and happiness around dress fittings, celebrations and the anticipation of this happy time. So I am practicing making space for these different feelings, so that they have space, but the tough ones don't overwhelm me and push everything else out. I'm grateful I have the ability to do this - to feel them and acknowledge them and realize that being human encompasses all of this.
I’m so sorry to hear about your losses. You sound very brave. I hope your daughter has a beautiful, perfect wedding.
I learned that I can navigate an open angle glaucoma diagnosis in the midst of Pacific NW bomb cyclone fallout. I can navigate road closures, downed power lines and ridiculous gridlock to get to a safe, warm place with power. I learned that my husband of 34+ years is my rock during difficult times, and he is creative at using our EV truck to power our refrigerators. I learned that Thanksgiving bycan come a week early when my little family hunkers down with that leg of lamb I was saving but decided I might as well cook because life is short.