I haven’t even read this yet, but had to comment. Just the title and seeing the words, you don’t need permission to change your life really struck home for me! I’m not looking at divorce, but I am looking at taking more responsibility for my life and not always assuming that my partner needs to be involved or needs to give me permission. Thank you for that.💛
Excellent post! My divorce led to freedom. I had been working two jobs to get by, not realizing that my then-husband was stealing the money. He eventually refused to work. I was initially too scared to seek out a divorce from my husband, so I stayed with him for 16 years. When we were married 15 years, I got a cancer diagnosis. During treatment, I had to work two jobs, while my husband kept his sorry non-working ass at home. Once my treatment was over, I decided that I didn't fight so hard to live to stay in this horrific marriage. So it ended. And now I've lived happy ever after.
I am one time divorced (was very happy and gained immense freedom when I did) but now remarried. This newsletter resonated with me and affirmed what I’ve been working on for sometime now… Being married and a mother without losing myself. I’ve learned I can be all three as long as I hold steady that capable members of a family need to be self sufficient and responsible for their own happiness, especially husbands. Thank you for your article.
I have never regretted my divorce. My 6 yr old and I lived on pb&j for 6 months until I finally believed my bank balance when it said that I had enough income to make it on my own - there was actually more money now that I was managing the household expenses and not supporting his pricey habits.
My married friends were jealous of my freedom when my child was with their father. It wasn't 50/50 custody but I had much more treasured alone time than my married friends.
30 years later, I married again, the children from our previous marriages are young adults, we both experienced the independence of being a single parent and have held on to that independence in our partnership.
LL's book was the highlight of the half dozen books I have read in 2024. So much truth in what needs to be told!! I went thru a divorce that took 5 years of stalling and harassment from my narcissistic ex who then harassed me for another 15 years until he died. By divorcing I was able to choose between hell and living never mind the on the knees upward crawl to realizing I was never the loser he said I was. On the contrary I did it all and did it well! It's why he never walked! He had it made! and I also ran his business! I just had to have a wee bit of alone time to com to grips with that truth and carry on with the kids.
I was married to a narcissist, too. I’m 55, been divorced for 4 years and am learning to clearly see the way I made myself smaller to manage his moods and deal with his need for control. I’m happier now than I’ve been in years.
Welcome to the club. I feel very strongly that those of us who unfortunately have had relationships with full blown narcissists are the only ones that know what hell it is and sometimes continues to be given the regrets and effects on the kids. They fooled so many along the way in making everything someone else's fault. So kudos to you for clawing out of the chaos. I wish you well.
Thanks for this! I feel seen and validated. I had no job, no home and no car and 2 beautiful daughters when I left a 10 year marriage. I was scared to death but knew I’d do better with my kids and my life on my own. We had 5 pretty lean years as I got a job, a masters and a place to live, but the hardships were worth every single second.
I haven’t even read this yet, but had to comment. Just the title and seeing the words, you don’t need permission to change your life really struck home for me! I’m not looking at divorce, but I am looking at taking more responsibility for my life and not always assuming that my partner needs to be involved or needs to give me permission. Thank you for that.💛
When we choose, we win. 💙
Excellent post! My divorce led to freedom. I had been working two jobs to get by, not realizing that my then-husband was stealing the money. He eventually refused to work. I was initially too scared to seek out a divorce from my husband, so I stayed with him for 16 years. When we were married 15 years, I got a cancer diagnosis. During treatment, I had to work two jobs, while my husband kept his sorry non-working ass at home. Once my treatment was over, I decided that I didn't fight so hard to live to stay in this horrific marriage. So it ended. And now I've lived happy ever after.
I am one time divorced (was very happy and gained immense freedom when I did) but now remarried. This newsletter resonated with me and affirmed what I’ve been working on for sometime now… Being married and a mother without losing myself. I’ve learned I can be all three as long as I hold steady that capable members of a family need to be self sufficient and responsible for their own happiness, especially husbands. Thank you for your article.
I have never regretted my divorce. My 6 yr old and I lived on pb&j for 6 months until I finally believed my bank balance when it said that I had enough income to make it on my own - there was actually more money now that I was managing the household expenses and not supporting his pricey habits.
My married friends were jealous of my freedom when my child was with their father. It wasn't 50/50 custody but I had much more treasured alone time than my married friends.
30 years later, I married again, the children from our previous marriages are young adults, we both experienced the independence of being a single parent and have held on to that independence in our partnership.
LL's book was the highlight of the half dozen books I have read in 2024. So much truth in what needs to be told!! I went thru a divorce that took 5 years of stalling and harassment from my narcissistic ex who then harassed me for another 15 years until he died. By divorcing I was able to choose between hell and living never mind the on the knees upward crawl to realizing I was never the loser he said I was. On the contrary I did it all and did it well! It's why he never walked! He had it made! and I also ran his business! I just had to have a wee bit of alone time to com to grips with that truth and carry on with the kids.
I was married to a narcissist, too. I’m 55, been divorced for 4 years and am learning to clearly see the way I made myself smaller to manage his moods and deal with his need for control. I’m happier now than I’ve been in years.
Welcome to the club. I feel very strongly that those of us who unfortunately have had relationships with full blown narcissists are the only ones that know what hell it is and sometimes continues to be given the regrets and effects on the kids. They fooled so many along the way in making everything someone else's fault. So kudos to you for clawing out of the chaos. I wish you well.
Thanks for this! I feel seen and validated. I had no job, no home and no car and 2 beautiful daughters when I left a 10 year marriage. I was scared to death but knew I’d do better with my kids and my life on my own. We had 5 pretty lean years as I got a job, a masters and a place to live, but the hardships were worth every single second.