I was always told I was too bossy. I've still been told that because I take charge and get things done. As a child, it was hurtful to hear but at 43 I now know that it's not a bad thing at all. I get shit done. Plain and simple. I'm at a point where I truly enjoy what I do for work, I feel like I'm making a difference and am finding the flexibility to do more of what I want when it comes to the issues I want to see changed. I think there's a point in which I'm not sure if/how/should I divide the line between my business and myself. How do I continue growing my business while also growing my impact as an individual? I think 2025 is going to bring clarity around that somehow (so I hope!).
Oh lordy, the shoulds. I'm too loud, too emotional, too sensitive, I try to do too much. AND more insidious are the shoulds that I don't even realize I have. Thank you for your work -- I just asked my library to buy (at least one) copy!
Those “shoulds” are so insidious. That’s exactly the right word and I hate it. It’s a negative judgment word of other people’s judgments. I try very hard to eliminate it from my vocabulary.
This is bookmarked, saved in an email folder, and I have even copy & pasted into a note on my icloud. Last year, I was called a 'small cog' by someone I work with, and there are others (just to add, not my immediate team!) that take purposeful action to keep me small. I count myself lucky that I am aware of it, and have enough fire in my soul to persevere, in the belief that I will one day prove them wrong. My wings will not be clipped.
This is timely for me. I’m a year retired and struggling with balance of part time work, hobbies, husband, household, and WHAT DO I EVEN WANT? I’m not sure.
Love this, Shannon. I couldn’t agree more. At a newly turned 50, I am trapped by adult responsibilities that never end. I am coming off a year of being uprooted and looking into a future where I can finally say … it’s my turn.
It's definitely not true! I--and many of my wayward friends--seem to be unicorns in this whole mess, building lives guided by desire for adventure, exploration, soul-expanding experiences. But here's the rub: This has only been possible by largely stepping off the conventional train.
There are few things I haven’t yet done that I’ve wanted to do. Meeting people online in my late 30s who where doing big things and being regular people made it seem possible. So I started a business at 39, started my podcast at 49, wrote and self-published my book at 52. Deepened friendships with a select few after my lifelong BFF died in late 2020. Late diagnosed for ADHD at almost 54. I wonder what I could have done with more ease and without do much self-doubt.
This took me back to my childhhod and than again to my late 40's and eraly 50's when I moved back home to take care of my mother. I was always told, by my mother, growing up that I would never amount to anything. And that stuck in my brain for most of my life. I immersed myslef in my love for music. My parents did give my brother and I music lessons and we played many different instruments. My two fvorites were the piano and french horn. In high school I did apply to UCLA School of music and was accepted, but the sound of my mothers voice saying I would nver amount to anything just kept playing over and over in my head. And so, at 17, I had my first child and was married. I never made it to UCLA. I felt my dreams were shattered and my mother was right all along. 8 years later I had 3 children all together and after 13 years of marriage I divorced. I realized I was living a lie. I was living as me. I knew from the time I was 7 or 8 that I was gay. But back in the late 60's and the 70's that was not something that anyone ever talked about. So, I never told anyone about my feelings of being gay and tried to be a good Catholic girl and do the right thing. And after leaving my husband and another gay relationship I finally found the woman of my dreams. A woman that I gre up with and we knew each was gay growing up but we both grew apart and fate brough us back together. Moved to Florida and we had our own marriage ceromony, since it weasn't leagal, but to us we were married. But that voice of my mother still held me back with her saying you will never amount to anything. 10 years later I had a very bad mental breakdown and started seeing a therapist. I had a lot of traumatic experiences from my childhood that I supressed. I never felt that I could talk to my mother, who I really needed at that time. I finally spoke to my brother and told him everything, even came out to him and told him I was gay. I was in my mid 40's at this point. This is when I felt my life was changin for the better. But then, my daughter, who lived on the upper floor of my mother's house, which was made into an apartment called, and she really needed help with my mother who was getting older. So, I moved back home. Thinking, I am older, my mother seems like she has changed, we have had some really good conversations. So, I can live with her and help her. That was good for a while. Than, it all changed. Everything I did was wrong. I just did what I had to do to take care of her and than went to my room and isolated. After she passed away is when I got into my work as an Activist. After about 5 years of doing this and deciding to run for local office I felt alive again. My brother followed everything I did. His words will live with me forever. he said "Sis, I think you found your calling in Politics." Funny that he was the one who was always interested in politics. He majored in journalism and minored in politcal science. I wish I knew this was my calling when I was young. I still wonder where I could have been by now, at 65. Maybe as a Congreewoman, or a Senator. But I do know I will never let anyone tell my I will never be able to do anything again.
My biggest should is the one in my own mind. I should be happy, or at least satisfied, with my life. I already started life completely over at 42 (quit a comfortable corporate job, sold my house, moved across the country, and went back for a PhD). But here again at 52, there's more I need to do at THIS stage to truly free myself (including ending yet another soul-sucking relationship).
I've been rekindling the flame inside me to do it all again. I'm ready to move and 2025 WILL be my year. Nikki Giovanni's poem is the perfect fortification of my motivation. Thank you, Shannon! Can't wait to read your book.
I simply want to get out of my own way. For 30 years in corporate America I was told all the things I should do to “fit in” . I am grateful that when I retired I didn’t commit to anything right away , especially what people thought I should do. After a cancer relapse I decided to use my skills in a totally different direction and I now lead a national support group for bladder cancer survivors who’ve had their bladders removed and have the Indiana Pouch Diversion (women: blood in your urine is NEVER normal see a urologist). A leading doctor who spoke to our group challenged us to be advocates especially for young women and to get our message on Tik Tok. This year Tik Tok is going to become part of my communications toolkit no matter how much that terrifies me .
Not to mention the silence and shame women carry about their sexual desires, that they feel they can never admit and how devastating it can be to feel like a stranger in one's own body. Men are not doing the work they need to do on themselves and are increasingly unattractive and for heterosexual women, it's a huge letdown they cannot talk about.
Sparks light other inner fires. Thanks for the work you do!
I was always told I was too bossy. I've still been told that because I take charge and get things done. As a child, it was hurtful to hear but at 43 I now know that it's not a bad thing at all. I get shit done. Plain and simple. I'm at a point where I truly enjoy what I do for work, I feel like I'm making a difference and am finding the flexibility to do more of what I want when it comes to the issues I want to see changed. I think there's a point in which I'm not sure if/how/should I divide the line between my business and myself. How do I continue growing my business while also growing my impact as an individual? I think 2025 is going to bring clarity around that somehow (so I hope!).
Oh lordy, the shoulds. I'm too loud, too emotional, too sensitive, I try to do too much. AND more insidious are the shoulds that I don't even realize I have. Thank you for your work -- I just asked my library to buy (at least one) copy!
Was told awhile ago to turn off any advice that included the word, “should.”
Those “shoulds” are so insidious. That’s exactly the right word and I hate it. It’s a negative judgment word of other people’s judgments. I try very hard to eliminate it from my vocabulary.
YES! AND I find that sometimes I don't even hear/say the "should" but find it's part of my very fabric. THOSE are the ones I keep an eye out for.
Agree 100%.
This is bookmarked, saved in an email folder, and I have even copy & pasted into a note on my icloud. Last year, I was called a 'small cog' by someone I work with, and there are others (just to add, not my immediate team!) that take purposeful action to keep me small. I count myself lucky that I am aware of it, and have enough fire in my soul to persevere, in the belief that I will one day prove them wrong. My wings will not be clipped.
This is timely for me. I’m a year retired and struggling with balance of part time work, hobbies, husband, household, and WHAT DO I EVEN WANT? I’m not sure.
Love this, Shannon. I couldn’t agree more. At a newly turned 50, I am trapped by adult responsibilities that never end. I am coming off a year of being uprooted and looking into a future where I can finally say … it’s my turn.
It's definitely not true! I--and many of my wayward friends--seem to be unicorns in this whole mess, building lives guided by desire for adventure, exploration, soul-expanding experiences. But here's the rub: This has only been possible by largely stepping off the conventional train.
There are few things I haven’t yet done that I’ve wanted to do. Meeting people online in my late 30s who where doing big things and being regular people made it seem possible. So I started a business at 39, started my podcast at 49, wrote and self-published my book at 52. Deepened friendships with a select few after my lifelong BFF died in late 2020. Late diagnosed for ADHD at almost 54. I wonder what I could have done with more ease and without do much self-doubt.
“What do I want to do that I haven’t yet done?”
At 47 years old, I would love to learn more about the political world and volunteer on local/county/state campaigns.
Never ever did I think that would be a "want" of mine.
This took me back to my childhhod and than again to my late 40's and eraly 50's when I moved back home to take care of my mother. I was always told, by my mother, growing up that I would never amount to anything. And that stuck in my brain for most of my life. I immersed myslef in my love for music. My parents did give my brother and I music lessons and we played many different instruments. My two fvorites were the piano and french horn. In high school I did apply to UCLA School of music and was accepted, but the sound of my mothers voice saying I would nver amount to anything just kept playing over and over in my head. And so, at 17, I had my first child and was married. I never made it to UCLA. I felt my dreams were shattered and my mother was right all along. 8 years later I had 3 children all together and after 13 years of marriage I divorced. I realized I was living a lie. I was living as me. I knew from the time I was 7 or 8 that I was gay. But back in the late 60's and the 70's that was not something that anyone ever talked about. So, I never told anyone about my feelings of being gay and tried to be a good Catholic girl and do the right thing. And after leaving my husband and another gay relationship I finally found the woman of my dreams. A woman that I gre up with and we knew each was gay growing up but we both grew apart and fate brough us back together. Moved to Florida and we had our own marriage ceromony, since it weasn't leagal, but to us we were married. But that voice of my mother still held me back with her saying you will never amount to anything. 10 years later I had a very bad mental breakdown and started seeing a therapist. I had a lot of traumatic experiences from my childhood that I supressed. I never felt that I could talk to my mother, who I really needed at that time. I finally spoke to my brother and told him everything, even came out to him and told him I was gay. I was in my mid 40's at this point. This is when I felt my life was changin for the better. But then, my daughter, who lived on the upper floor of my mother's house, which was made into an apartment called, and she really needed help with my mother who was getting older. So, I moved back home. Thinking, I am older, my mother seems like she has changed, we have had some really good conversations. So, I can live with her and help her. That was good for a while. Than, it all changed. Everything I did was wrong. I just did what I had to do to take care of her and than went to my room and isolated. After she passed away is when I got into my work as an Activist. After about 5 years of doing this and deciding to run for local office I felt alive again. My brother followed everything I did. His words will live with me forever. he said "Sis, I think you found your calling in Politics." Funny that he was the one who was always interested in politics. He majored in journalism and minored in politcal science. I wish I knew this was my calling when I was young. I still wonder where I could have been by now, at 65. Maybe as a Congreewoman, or a Senator. But I do know I will never let anyone tell my I will never be able to do anything again.
I'm working to identify my wants, needs, and desires after tamping them down for so long.
Women are often excellent at filling the "shoulds" because there is so little grace for us if we fail. At anything.
I know that it's time for me to try. To acknowledge that I'm scared of failure and more forward anyway.
Yes! Sign up for my Firestarter school!
My biggest should is the one in my own mind. I should be happy, or at least satisfied, with my life. I already started life completely over at 42 (quit a comfortable corporate job, sold my house, moved across the country, and went back for a PhD). But here again at 52, there's more I need to do at THIS stage to truly free myself (including ending yet another soul-sucking relationship).
I've been rekindling the flame inside me to do it all again. I'm ready to move and 2025 WILL be my year. Nikki Giovanni's poem is the perfect fortification of my motivation. Thank you, Shannon! Can't wait to read your book.
🔥🔥🔥
I simply want to get out of my own way. For 30 years in corporate America I was told all the things I should do to “fit in” . I am grateful that when I retired I didn’t commit to anything right away , especially what people thought I should do. After a cancer relapse I decided to use my skills in a totally different direction and I now lead a national support group for bladder cancer survivors who’ve had their bladders removed and have the Indiana Pouch Diversion (women: blood in your urine is NEVER normal see a urologist). A leading doctor who spoke to our group challenged us to be advocates especially for young women and to get our message on Tik Tok. This year Tik Tok is going to become part of my communications toolkit no matter how much that terrifies me .
My last manager told me if I didn't make it by the time I was 30... that my career was dead. I've spent a lot of time trying to dismantle that.
Not to mention the silence and shame women carry about their sexual desires, that they feel they can never admit and how devastating it can be to feel like a stranger in one's own body. Men are not doing the work they need to do on themselves and are increasingly unattractive and for heterosexual women, it's a huge letdown they cannot talk about.