I was just having this same discussion with a friend. We are in our 60's, and still running around like madwomen, as we have our whole lives. We need a complete mindset change - for us and for our daughters (and granddaughters!). WE must be our first priority, and that is not the way we were raised, so it's a cultural shift too. My current screen saver is "Less browsing, more doing, less noise, less watching. More painting, less scrolling, more drawing". I'm going to make my 63rd trip around the sun more about me, come hell or high water.
I want to be my own boss and be paid what I’m worth. Current job and family responsibilities are standing in the way. Self care as well. Where is there time when those things come first? Self care being sleep and exercise which are non negotiable for mental health. When work, taking care of children and self care is done, there is maybe an hour left in the day ? 🤣🤣. I’m still determined, logistics aside!
It's absolutely incredible to me how almost all of us fall prey to obligations, many of which are entirely self-fabricated. As an HSP and someone who gets overwhelmed easily, I have intentionally set up my life (to the best of my ability) to have fewer obligations than most. And yet, I still create enough obligations for myself to keep from having to do the work of going for what I what. Because doing that work starts with admitting that I want to play bigger in a world not meant for women to do that. I was having a conversation with another female friend today about this topic and we were lamenting about the fact that playing bigger will almost surely come with the pressure of having to create boundaries at some point. And that is also something that doesn't come easily for women. There are SO many things women have been programmed to believe for centuries that we have to start dismantling/de-programing in order to even get to the point where we admit our dormant desires.
This is a serious question I’ve been asking myself. I feel obligated to keep earning at the potential I achieved in my boring, oppressive career as a Paralegal, when I just want to be creative. I became unemployed after the President of the small business I worked for passed away unexpectedly and the company closed. Then I was a finalist for a job I really, really wanted and the job disappeared because of the current Federal funding retractions. I’ve also been trying to start working as a self-employed designer (a complete departure from my corporate life), and have a pretty cool framework for that but it involves products being impacted by tariffs and the uncertainty put me off. I was diagnosed with ADHD about 3 years ago - in my 50’s - so I’m trying to embrace some qualities that come with that - like the need for physical activity as opposed to sitting all day, as I move into my next career chapter. I keep thinking about the advice that says you can’t move into a new life while you still have one foot in the old one. I keep looking at the job postings for the work I used to do .. and applying for some while also looking for the right avenue to pursue something creative. I just keep thinking about salary, income, and whether I’m actually creative, artistic and committed enough to do that thing.
That's so hard! The pressure for earnings is big, I didn't even think about that, but it's a real one. Especially with the turmoil in our economy and job market right now. I have no useful advice, but you're not alone and I'm rooting for you!
This is what stood out to me from this email: "And do you even know what you want?" I'll be 69 next week (although most people guess maybe 59), and I am SO ready to retire from the traditional workplace. My plan is to go out a year from now. Yikes! I want to find my people - find new community. I'm pretty scared, especially with the economy being so uncertain. I'm single (well, divorced a long, long time ago). I heard someone say earlier today that "life begins at the end of your comfort zone." Yikes! This is my year of transition - still working but preparing for a new phase of life. One more time: Yikes!
Our daughter is bipolar 1, and with the state of the mental health care system such as it is, we pay for her individual therapy once per week, group therapy once per week and her psychiatry appointment once every three months. $1200 per month as she gets special rates. She is on Medicaid because we thought that would help her be more independent. It does not pay enough for her to live independently, so we subsidise her housing along with the medications that are not covered. That's another $700 per month
If I had this money, I quit my job as a psychotherapist, go to the pool everyday for exercise which would make it possible to travel more and reconnect with treasured friends. After these things, it would be easier to discern next steps.
I feel like I'm mostly living with authenticity and protecting time and space for the things that fill my soul, but there are always obligations to be found. I should do laundry and clean bathrooms more often, I feel like I have to go to X social thing with my husband, I should pick up the phone every time my college kid calls (which is several times a day and it's awesome), I need to talk to my parents more often, you know.
The hard part for me is when the things that are my bucket-fillers ALSO become "shoulds." I should be baking bread more often, I should get out into the garden and weed/plant stuff, I should read newsletter A/B/C, I should be calling my representatives more often, I should read more books, I should see my friends more... What's making those things "should" instead of "get to"? Work, the husband being so much more social than me and having so many people to keep up with, the damn household responsibilities (even though they are shared). Most of it isn't anything that can be let go of entirely. But I can work on shifting my mindset about the household responsibilities and shed the guilt of not doing them as often as we're told we're supposed to. And I have gotten better about holding boundaries around my social time and telling my husband he can go be social without me. Now I just need to work on my ADHD tendencies and use the time I do have for things that matter, not the dumb-dopamine of scrolling.
I was just having this same discussion with a friend. We are in our 60's, and still running around like madwomen, as we have our whole lives. We need a complete mindset change - for us and for our daughters (and granddaughters!). WE must be our first priority, and that is not the way we were raised, so it's a cultural shift too. My current screen saver is "Less browsing, more doing, less noise, less watching. More painting, less scrolling, more drawing". I'm going to make my 63rd trip around the sun more about me, come hell or high water.
Amen!
I want to be my own boss and be paid what I’m worth. Current job and family responsibilities are standing in the way. Self care as well. Where is there time when those things come first? Self care being sleep and exercise which are non negotiable for mental health. When work, taking care of children and self care is done, there is maybe an hour left in the day ? 🤣🤣. I’m still determined, logistics aside!
It's absolutely incredible to me how almost all of us fall prey to obligations, many of which are entirely self-fabricated. As an HSP and someone who gets overwhelmed easily, I have intentionally set up my life (to the best of my ability) to have fewer obligations than most. And yet, I still create enough obligations for myself to keep from having to do the work of going for what I what. Because doing that work starts with admitting that I want to play bigger in a world not meant for women to do that. I was having a conversation with another female friend today about this topic and we were lamenting about the fact that playing bigger will almost surely come with the pressure of having to create boundaries at some point. And that is also something that doesn't come easily for women. There are SO many things women have been programmed to believe for centuries that we have to start dismantling/de-programing in order to even get to the point where we admit our dormant desires.
This is a serious question I’ve been asking myself. I feel obligated to keep earning at the potential I achieved in my boring, oppressive career as a Paralegal, when I just want to be creative. I became unemployed after the President of the small business I worked for passed away unexpectedly and the company closed. Then I was a finalist for a job I really, really wanted and the job disappeared because of the current Federal funding retractions. I’ve also been trying to start working as a self-employed designer (a complete departure from my corporate life), and have a pretty cool framework for that but it involves products being impacted by tariffs and the uncertainty put me off. I was diagnosed with ADHD about 3 years ago - in my 50’s - so I’m trying to embrace some qualities that come with that - like the need for physical activity as opposed to sitting all day, as I move into my next career chapter. I keep thinking about the advice that says you can’t move into a new life while you still have one foot in the old one. I keep looking at the job postings for the work I used to do .. and applying for some while also looking for the right avenue to pursue something creative. I just keep thinking about salary, income, and whether I’m actually creative, artistic and committed enough to do that thing.
That's so hard! The pressure for earnings is big, I didn't even think about that, but it's a real one. Especially with the turmoil in our economy and job market right now. I have no useful advice, but you're not alone and I'm rooting for you!
This is what stood out to me from this email: "And do you even know what you want?" I'll be 69 next week (although most people guess maybe 59), and I am SO ready to retire from the traditional workplace. My plan is to go out a year from now. Yikes! I want to find my people - find new community. I'm pretty scared, especially with the economy being so uncertain. I'm single (well, divorced a long, long time ago). I heard someone say earlier today that "life begins at the end of your comfort zone." Yikes! This is my year of transition - still working but preparing for a new phase of life. One more time: Yikes!
Our daughter is bipolar 1, and with the state of the mental health care system such as it is, we pay for her individual therapy once per week, group therapy once per week and her psychiatry appointment once every three months. $1200 per month as she gets special rates. She is on Medicaid because we thought that would help her be more independent. It does not pay enough for her to live independently, so we subsidise her housing along with the medications that are not covered. That's another $700 per month
If I had this money, I quit my job as a psychotherapist, go to the pool everyday for exercise which would make it possible to travel more and reconnect with treasured friends. After these things, it would be easier to discern next steps.
I feel like I'm mostly living with authenticity and protecting time and space for the things that fill my soul, but there are always obligations to be found. I should do laundry and clean bathrooms more often, I feel like I have to go to X social thing with my husband, I should pick up the phone every time my college kid calls (which is several times a day and it's awesome), I need to talk to my parents more often, you know.
The hard part for me is when the things that are my bucket-fillers ALSO become "shoulds." I should be baking bread more often, I should get out into the garden and weed/plant stuff, I should read newsletter A/B/C, I should be calling my representatives more often, I should read more books, I should see my friends more... What's making those things "should" instead of "get to"? Work, the husband being so much more social than me and having so many people to keep up with, the damn household responsibilities (even though they are shared). Most of it isn't anything that can be let go of entirely. But I can work on shifting my mindset about the household responsibilities and shed the guilt of not doing them as often as we're told we're supposed to. And I have gotten better about holding boundaries around my social time and telling my husband he can go be social without me. Now I just need to work on my ADHD tendencies and use the time I do have for things that matter, not the dumb-dopamine of scrolling.